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“Trissa,” Jareth cut me off. “I value your work. You’re one of the most competent assistants at this label. It’s precisely why I need you with Peter right now. He respects you, and God knows he doesn’t respect much anymore.”
I wasn’t sure how true that was anymore, but I didn’t have a choice. Recognizing defeat I nodded. “I understand.”
As I joined Killian outside Jareth’s office, he reached for my hand. “We need to talk?—”
“Not here,” I murmured.
“Are you coming, Tris?” Peter asked. He and Wendy stood side-by-side at the door.
I shook my head. “In a minute.”
Peter stiffened.
Wendy sighed. “We’ll be in the conference room on the fourth floor.”
“I’ll be there in a few minutes.” I felt so damn tired all of a sudden.
Killian guided me into an empty conference room and shut the door. I was grateful to be away from prying eyes. Everything was too raw, too public.
The moment we were alone though my carefully maintained composure shattered. “What were you thinking?” I demanded, fighting back tears. “Fighting? Like teenagers? Do you have any idea what that decision could do to all of us?”
“You don’t understand.” Killian replied, wincing at his own words.
“I can’t believe you.” My voice rose before I caught myself, taking a deep breath. “You both could have lost everything. Peter’s already hanging by a thread with Jareth. And you—” I shook my head. He’d worked so hard for his career, I knew it mattered to him just as much as it did Peter.
“None of that matters,” he said, stepping closer. “Not if I lose you.”
My heart constricted. “Killian?—”
“Come with me,” he said suddenly. “If Jareth sends me to LA. Come to the studio with me. We can figure out the rest.”
I wanted to say yes. God, how I wanted to, but I couldn’t just abandon my responsibilities, my career—everything I’d built. “You know I can’t do that.”
“Why not? Jareth is being unreasonable. We could?—”
“I have a contract, Killian. I’m Peter’s assistant. It’s my job.” I hated how it sounded—like I was choosing my work over him, but it wasn’t that simple.
“It’s just a job,” he said, an edge to his tone. “You can get another one.”
His words stung. This wasn’t just a job to me. It was my career, my independence, my identity outside of my relationships with either of them and I was damn good at it. “It’s not just a job to me. I’ve built a career that I’m proud of. I’ve earned my reputation. I’ve made connections. I can’t just walk away because … ” I trailed off, not sure how to finish.
“Because of me,” he finished his voice flat. “You can’t walk away for me.”
“That’s not what I meant.” But wasn’t it, in a way? I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my career for our relationship. I was done sacrificing my life for other people. And as much as I loved Killian, I just couldn’t drop my career for his. And I wouldn’t expect him to end his career for me.
“But it’s what you’re saying.” A familiar shadow crossed his face—that doubt, that insecurity I’d seen so many times before. Now with hindsight, I recognized it for what it was. “You’re choosing him. Again.”
“This isn’t about choosing you or him,” I said, frustration stemming from each word. I wish he’d understand I was choosing me. Not Peter. “I’m choosingme. My job. This is about being professional. About honoring my commitments. I can’t just abandon Peter after we’ve been working so hard to repair his image.” Even as I said it, I knew how it sounded. Like I was putting Peter first.
Damn it.
“So I go alone to LA and you travel with him,” he said flatly.
I tried to sound reasonable, to find a compromise. “It’s two weeks, Killian. Then we’ll be back. And you should be back from recording by then. We can figure things out then.”
The hurt in his eyes was unbearable. “And what aboutus?We put our relationship on hold while you fulfill your obligations to Peter?”
“That’s not fair.” I couldn’t win. Whatever I decided to do would hurt either him or Peter. And whichever way I looked at it, I was the loser in the situation too.