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“Then answers me.”
“What?”
She grins. “You stink!”
I tell her this all the time. It’s a joke between us. I widen my eyes, as if I’m offended. “I don’t stink. You do.” I grab Sev by her waist and haul her over my head. When she squirms, I slam her down gently on the couch between Kacy and me. Her laughter rings through the house and then I’m tackled by Camdyn.
“Okay, it’s time for bed.” They’ve been ready for two hours. Bathed. Teeth brushed, but they’re stalling.
“Why?” Camdyn whines, sliding off Kacy’s lap.
I try to smile, but it’s a half-assed effort. “Because if you don’t, Santa’s gonna start drinking, and he might forget to come to your house.”
Camdyn frowns, her eyes darting from mine to Kacy and then back again. “Santa drinks?”
“He has little elves. Of course he drinks. Now go to bed.”
Kacy starts laughing beside me. I shoot her a playful glare.
“Are y’all lyin’?” Camdyn asks, looking to Kacy.
“It’s true,” Kacy manages to say.
Camdyn grabs Sev’s hand. “Come on, let’s go to bed.”
Sev digs her pajama bottoms from her butt, looking over at Camdyn. “I hope Santa lets us keep our mom.”
“Me too,” Camdyn agrees, smiling at me.
I’m not sure Kacy hears it, because she’s not looking at the kids, but I do. They want to keep Kacy, and I can’t blame them. I want to as well, but I’m not sure how that’s going to play out. I’m not mad that she didn’t tell me the connection she had to Tara. I was, but it’s not like she kept it from me to be vindictive. I believe her when she said she didn’t come looking for me, but the reality is, she’s twenty-one. It didn’t hit me until today that her staying might be good for me and bad for Kacy. I don’t want her to stay becauseIwant her to, but becauseshewants to. If that makes sense. Which it doesn’t, entirely. All I know is my heart gets pissed off when I think about it.
When the girls disappear down the hall, Kacy smiles. “You’re amazing with them.”
I stare at the tree with the ornaments all placed on one section where the kids could reach. I think about how many Christmas’s I’ve shared with them. Every one has been a bit different, but this one is my favorite because I finally feel like I’ve given them something worth remembering.
“They’re so excited,” Kacy notes. “And you’re amazing with them. Most men wouldn’t do all the things you’re doing.”
“I couldn’t imagine my life without them in it,” I tell her, leaning my head back against the couch, the fire crackling in front of us. “I never wanted to be a dad at eighteen, but I was, and I did what I had to do to make sure they knew they were my priority. My only concern. And Tara… I don’t know….” I sigh, unsure where I’m going with my admittance. Though I really don’t know Kacy, there’s still that sense of easiness I’ve always had around her. Like I can tell her anything, and she’ll listen. “She brought up all these feelings I thought I’d buried a long time ago.”
“Like you have feelings for her?”
“No, not like that. Not anymore. It’s more…. Fuck. I need a drink.” I stand up, retrieve the Southern Comfort I’ve been drinking for the last couple of nights and take a seat back where I’d been sitting beside her. I offer Kacy a drink, which she takes and then hands the bottle back to me. “What pisses me off about her showing up is bringing up my abandonment issues,” I tell her, flat out.
Her eyes twinkle with a grin. “You know, it takes a hell of a confident, sexy man to admit he has abandonment issues.”
“Hmmm.” I drawl out, winking. “I like where this is heading.”
It doesn’t head where I’m hoping it will because her eyes soften. She swallows, nervously chewing on her bottom lip. “I’m still really sorry about how this all played out.”
I lift the Southern Comfort in my hand to my lips. “I know you are. I was angry you didn’t tell me, but I think if I had been in your position, I’m not sure I would have said anything either.”
She smiles, resting her chin on her knee she’s pulled up on the couch. “You know what else I’m sorry about?”
“What?”
“Egg nog.” She snorts, taking the bottle from me. “Morgan gave me egg nog and whiskey. Me being, well, me, I threw that bitch back like it was straight whiskey. I don’t know how anyone likes egg nog. I feel like I swallowed an elf’s cum.”
I lean my head back against the couch, laughing as she scoots closer. Wrapping my arm around her, I whisper in her ear, “Mine probably tastes better. I’m sure of it.”