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Camdyn holds up her pink hand. “Yes.”
“At least they’re red for Christmas.” Lillian wraps her arm around my shoulder as we stand in the doorway. “We make excellent babysitters.”
I stare at the wet towels on the floor, my cheek feeling like it’s about to explode from my fall. “He’s going to kill me.”
“Well, it sounds to me like he can’t be mad at you.” She smooshes our faces together. “Barron just fucks his anger out.”
I wince at the pain of our cheeks touching, and she pulls back. “Ouch.”
“You’re gonna wanna get some ice on that.”
Shit.
When Barron and Morgan return that night, they’re not only met with kids that have pink skin, but us kinda drunk, and me with a black eye.
Morgan whistles, staring at my face. “Watcha y’all been up to in here?”
“I tripped,” I manage to say, my eyes darting to Barron, who’s watching me closely.
“Why dis cat stick it butthole in my face?” Sev asks, sitting on the countertop in her Christmas pajamas. She tips her head to the side, petting down Vader’s back. “I not wanna see yous butthole.”
“Sev.” Barron groans, setting his thermos on the counter, his eyes locked on mine. “Stop saying butthole.”
“Butthole,” she whispers, glaring at her dad.
He walks past her to me and stands in front of me. “What happened?”
“I left Camdyn in the tub, she flooded it, I freaked out and ran. Bam. Black eye.” I point to the whiskey behind him, my eyes widening with the lack of oxygen to my brain by word vomit. “And full disclosure. I drank while watching your kids, and they took a bath in red food coloring. That’s why they’re pink. And I baked too many cookies. You’re out of eggs. And… toilet paper. Sev had an accident.”
“My butthole’s clean,” Sev says, finding any way to use the word again.
It takes him a second to comprehend all that. His eyebrows rise, and then a light chuckle rolls through him. “Okay then.”
Hey, at least we’ve got honesty now. And I have my first black eye.
Merry Christmas.
I wish I had an answer.
BARRON
Getting your kids to sleep on Christmas Eve is nearly impossible. I contemplate drugging them. Briefly. Morgan and I were never overly excited about Christmas, but between Kacy and my aunt Tilly, the girls have never been so excited to have Santa come.
Sev’s standing in front of me, using my knees for support as she jumps around like a lunatic.
Praying Sev doesn’t slip and headbutt my dick, I glare at Kacy, who’s sitting next to me on the couch, cheeks red, smile plastered to her face. “How many cookies did they have?”
“Just a few.” She sucks her lips into her mouth, trying not to laugh.
“Lies.” I laugh, taking Sev in my arms. Camdyn is sitting on Kacy’s lap, her hair braided. “How many did you eat?”
She grabs my face in her hands, squeezing. “All of thems!” And then she laughs manically. I’m certain sugar is the devil’s drug of choice for children.
This goes on for close to an hour. Me telling them over and over again it’s time for bed and them ignoring me. Kacy is absolutely no help.
“Hey!” Sev yells, continuing to jump. “I’s takin’ to yous.”
I bring my face closer to hers. “I hear ya, little girl.”