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I’m not writing today to blame you for leaving.I understand why you felt you needed to, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t kill me to lose you, Morgan, and Charlie from my life forever.I admit that I didn’t deserve to be a husband and father during that time.When you tried to tell me that you and the girls were threatened and you didn’t feel safe, I thought you were blowing things out of proportion.I regret more than I can say that I didn’t protect our family.I loved you and the girls; I’m so sorry for how scared you must have been.

After you left, my gambling got even worse, and Antonio Sr.and his men came after me.The last time, they hurt me, and that’s when I moved from Brooklyn to Connecticut and got help.I assure you I’m not the same person I was back then.I haven’t gambled in years, and I make a good living.I’m a member of Gamblers Anonymous and I attend meetings three times a week.I want to come to California to see you all.I think we have a lot to talk about.

Brian

Brian,

I’m sorry it took me a few days to get back to you.I was shocked to get your email, and I’ve been trying to absorb what you said.I’m happy you got help and are doing better, but it’s been a very long time since we’ve known each other, and I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.I’d appreciate it if you didn’t contact me again.

I wish you the best.

Carla

Carla,

If you don’t want to see me, that’s fine, but I want to get to know my daughters.I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you to raise them on your own, and I know my showing up when they’re adults isn’t ideal, but I truly believe they would want me in their lives.I have always loved them and will continue to love them.If you send me Morgan and Charlie’s information, I will get in touch with them and leave you out of it.

I hope you will seriously consider what I’m asking.I’d rather not go around you.

Brian

Brian,

When the girls were young, I told them that you had passed away.I thought it would be easier for them than to wait and wonder where you were.They adjusted fine, and now it would be shocking for you to contact them.I have been their mother this whole time and raised them on my own because of the actions you took.It’s better if we keep things the way they are and go on separately.Please leave us alone.

Carla

Carla,

You’re being unreasonable; they will get over the shock.They deserve to have me in their life as much as I deserve to have them in mine.They’ll understand when we tell them why you left me and why you told them I had died.If the truth comes from you, it will go over better.Since the girls are now adults, they can decide for themselves if they want to get to know me.And now that I know where you are, I will make it happen.

Brian

Brian,

Is that a threat?Even if you come here, I won’t tell you their last names or where they live, so don’t waste your time.

Carla

Carla,

I’m sorry you’re upset, but if you don’t comply, I’ll have to contact a lawyer.I don’t want to go that far, but what you did was kidnapping.I hope you won’t leave me with any other choice but to file felony charges against you.Either way, I’ll find my daughters—of that, I can assure you.

Brian

The final email was dated two days before Carla ended her life.Morgan read each of them two more times.She felt anger rising inside her like steam from a pressure cooker.

Morgan couldn’t understand why her mom reacted that way.If no one gave me a second chance, where would I be?Mom, no matter how old we became or how much time had passed, you knew how much Charlotte, Abby, and I wished we had a father.What were you so worried about?

Morgan rubbed her neck; her back was aching, and she hadn’t even been sitting that long.She turned on the printer, which came to life with a low rumble, a geyser erupting after being dormant.She printed three copies of the emails.Were these some of her mother’s final words?

CHAPTER 34

Charlie

Charlie sat on her bed, holding the emails Morgan had given her and trying to digest their enormous meaning.She had been holding them so tightly that her fingers throbbed.She opened her hands and let the papers flutter to the floor.

The emails verified everything Brian had said.He hadn’t walked out because he didn’t want to be a husband and father; her mother had left him.She could understand how painful it must have been for him when he looked for them and got nowhere.Charlie had been too young to remember Carla telling her and Morgan that their father had died, but she had spent her entire life thinking he was gone.