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“It’s fine.”

He nodded and moved out to the backyard.Ginny arrived in record time with a beach towel that Carla wrapped around her waist.

“I called Julia,” Ginny said.“She’ll pick up Morgan from school and Charlie from daycare and watch them overnight.”

“Thank you so much,” Carla said.

Ginny helped Carla to the car, and they headed to the hospital.

“How did I not realize that I was going to have to give birth all alone?”Carla began hyperventilating.Ginny did her best to calm her down by agreeing to be her birthing partner.

“Are you sure you’re okay with that?”Carla asked.“You’ve never wanted kids.”

“As long as it’s you, not me, that something is jackhammering inside of and ripping apart, I’m fine.”

“You were born to be a birthing coach,” Carla said, laughing until a big contraction hit.When they arrived at the hospital, Carla had to sit in the car, inhaling and exhaling slowly, until the last contraction stopped.

“Let’s get you settled,” a nurse said as she pushed Carla in a wheelchair into a room with Ginny walking alongside them.The nurse put a cup of ice chips on a tray beside the bed.“Your doctor will be in soon.Your wife can help you change,” she said, putting a blue hospital gown on the bed.Carla and Ginny had a good laugh after the nurse left and closed the door.

Six hours later, Abby came screaming into the world.After cleaning her up, the doctor put her on Carla’s chest.Ginny looked at the baby, her eyes glistening.“She’s gorgeous,” Ginny said.

“Isn’t she?Morgan and Charlie wanted another sister.”

“Babies are so cute,” Ginny gently touched the top of Abby’s head.“It’s a shame they have to turn into adults.”

“Yep, that’s usually the way it works,” Carla said, not taking her eyes off her newborn.

Two days later, when Ginny dropped Carla and Abby home from the hospital, Morgan and Charlie were in a screaming, drag-out fight.Asleep in Carla’s arms, Abby awoke with a start and added to the hysterics.Carla nursed Abby while negotiating with Morgan and Charlie, whose turn it was to feed their baby doll.Carla took the doll away when she couldn’t stand their arguing anymore.Morgan and Charlie began crying, and then Abby stopped breastfeeding and started crying, which made Carla cry along with them all.

Julia knocked on the door having heard the commotion through the walls.“Let me help,” Julia said.She took Morgan and Charlie into the other room and Abby calmed down and was able to latch back on.

“What was I thinking about having another baby by myself?”Carla said to Julia when she came back into the room.“I’m never going to be able to do this.”

“You will.It’s like having three dogs—two is no harder than three, there’s just more poop.”

“Where did you hear that?”Carla asked.“I’ve only had three for a few hours, and I’m already pulling my hair out.Maybe I shouldn’t have gotten divorced.”

“I can’t answer that,” Julia said, “but you’re a smart woman, so I’m sure you had a good reason to leave.And besides, even though you’re divorced, he should be here helping.They’re his kids, too.”

Carla wasn’t about to tell Julia the truth; she would have to learn to go it alone.She told herself they’d be okay with only one parent as long as she was an attentive and supportive mother.Carla didn’t know if she believed that, but what choice did she have?

It’s Brian’s fault that I had to give up everything that made me who I was,she thought.Having to start over, reinvent myself, and create a new history was not in my plans.

It took years before Carla got used to all the lies.She felt like a fraud because she was.

When the girls became old enough to question why their father wasn’t there, Carla told them that Brian had walked out on them.He didn’t want to be a part of their lives.A few years later, when Morgan wanted to talk to her father, Carla said that she had heard he’d died.It was the only way she knew how to make things final.

Being the head of the household meant Carla had to work hard, but no matter how much effort she put in, she had still taken the most important male role model away from them.Carla knew from all her college psychology classes that this decision might affect her daughters.As the years flew by, she realized she was to blame for many of the bad choices the girls made in their lives.

When Carla discovered that at thirteen, Morgan had started drinking, she should have put her foot down or gotten her into therapy.Instead, she denied it and dismissed it as typical teenage rebellion.She convinced herself Morgan would grow out of it.

A year later, when Morgan’s destructive behavior had continued, Carla confronted her, and Morgan stopped speaking to her for weeks.When Morgan became addicted to pain pills after one of her car accidents, Carla didn’t say a word.

After Morgan finally got sober, Carla would hold her breath every day and pray Morgan wouldn’t relapse.She knew Morgan resented the constant pressure, but she couldn’t help herself.

Carla also blamed herself for Charlie staying with a man for years when it was leading nowhere.Charlie had been independent when she was younger but changed dramatically when she started dating Rick.He took advantage of her, and Charlie acted like she didn’t see it, or she didn’t think she deserved better.Charlie was taking after Carla who had not been the best judge of character.After all, she picked Brian and she hated seeing Charlie making the same mistakes she did.

Abby was the baby Carla didn’t know she wanted until she was born.The child that was all hers and the one she had the most in common with, but not always in the ways Carla wished.Abby didn’t like to take risks, and Carla worried it was because her own fears had rubbed off on her daughter.At least Abby had chosen a good man, even if Alex was the first boy she had ever talked to.Alex took good care of her and treated her well, things all mothers wanted for their daughters.