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“You cannot cut your sisters’ hair.”Abby’s voice teetered on the precipice of yelling but didn’t fall off.

“We weren’t really going to do it,” Hudson said, smiling impishly.

“Yes, we were,” Levi said.“It was Hudson’s idea.”

“I was kidding,” Hudson said.

“First of all, you’re too young to use scissors without supervision,” Abby said.“And second, I believe Levi.”She looked at Hudson sternly, then to all of them.“Come with me.”

Abby took the kids into the family room and told them to sit on the couch.Then she turned on the television to the latest sequel ofThe Penguins of Madagascar.

“Is this our punishment?”Levi asked.

Abby plopped down in a chair next to them.If one of them tried to escape, she was ready to pounce.

“No, this is so Mommy has a chance to catch her breath before she has an anxiety attack.”

“What’s an anxiety attack?”Levi asked.

“It’s when Mommies curl up in a ball.”

“You mean like a summersault?”

“Something like that.”

“Cool,” Levi said.

Ten minutes later, all four kids were sound asleep, lying half on each other like a litter of puppies.Abby couldn’t help smiling; she loved when their eyes were closed.It was the one time she could remind herself that they wouldn’t always be this age.

Alex came out of the bathroom, drying his hair with a towel.“Hi,” he said.When he saw the sleeping brood, he whispered, “I jumped in the shower when I heard you drive up.I wanted to be clean before you saw me.”

“You’re so thoughtful,” she said, kissing him.Abby debated whether to tell him about the scissors incident but decided not to since she was about to let him know that she’d be leaving for a week--that would be enough for him to handle.

Alex and Abby had the only traditional relationship of the Weiss sisters.Abby met Alex in middle school and married him the week after they graduated from college, neither of them having ever gone on a date with anyone else.Alex knew everything about her and accepted her no matter what she did.Like when she backed her car into the same fence three different times or when she threw out his Beastie Boys T-shirt.That last one she did on purpose, but he didn’t get mad.He understood because she had so much on her plate.

Alex had all the qualities that were important to Abby.He was a steady presence in her life, someone who always had her back.The part of him she adored the most was how he could always make her laugh.He was her rock, a safe place, and the best father her kids could’ve had.

As evidenced by getting together with Alex so young, Abby didn’t like change.Even as a kid, when she decided on something, she didn’t waver.After performing as a tree in the school play in first grade, she announced that she was going to be an actress.Her only line had been, “Our leaves will be falling,” which she practiced over and over.When it came time for her to say it, she said, “Our lives will be failing.”The audience burst into laughter, and at the end of the show, Abby got a standing ovation.She knew immediately that joyful feeling was one she wanted to continue to experience.

She joined scene study, method acting, and cold reading classes in high school and college, winning the starring role in almost every production she auditioned for.She welcomed the praise people showered on her, but Alex was the only person who knew she was riddled with imposter syndrome.He talked her through her nerves before auditions and encouraged her to push through.

Determined not to let the fear take over, Abby signed up for showcases, hoping to see in herself what others did.Right after college graduation, a well-known Hollywood agent saw her and offered to represent her.The day before she was supposed to sign the contract, Abby found out she was pregnant.

She wouldn’t admit it out loud, but relief wrapped around her like a warm coat in the dead of winter.The stress, anxiety, and fear that plagued her every time she auditioned or performed vanished when that extra line on the pregnancy test appeared.She no longer had to worry that people would discover that she was a talentless fraud.

Like her mother, Abby had all her kids in quick succession.She had two boys, then two girls quickly afterward, like a slightly smaller Brady Bunch.However, unlike Carol and Mike Brady, she and Alex felt overwhelmed by their mob.No matter how many parenting videos Abby watched on YouTube, her kids figured out she wasn’t good at being consistent.

“Honey, can we talk for a minute?”Abby whispered to Alex.

“Sure, what’s up?”he whispered back.The two of them sat at the far end of the sectional, careful not to touch the clump of arms and legs intermingled like a bunch of mannequins thrown into a garbage bin.He pulled her close, and she laid her head on his shoulder.

“I have to leave again in a few days,” she said.

“Where are you going?”he asked, his voice rising slightly.

Abby put her finger to her lips and cocked her head at the sleeping brood.“Morgan, Charlie and I are going to stay at my mom’s house and try to figure out why she…” The words ‘killed herself’ stuck in her throat.

He nodded.“Why do you have to stay there?”