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“Mmmm.”
“The Aria I know is a badass who sticks up for everyone, including herself, and makes everyone laugh, all the time.
“Mmmm,” I’m so tired now. Sleep is calling for me.
“You can leave him. You know, we all have your back.”
“But I love him. I’ve loved him across lifetimes.”
“Liam? Come on, it hasn’t even been that long Ar. I can’t even believe you agreed to marry him so soon.”
“Travis,” I whisper as I rub my cheek against his cotton shirt, the soothing texture lulling my emotions and pulling me into a peaceful sleep.
No matter how good everything feels in the dark of the night, the harsh light of day has a way of magnifying reality, and forcing you to face it head on.
I woke up this morning in Cole’s bed, grateful that I still have family in my life, regardless of the fact that I’ve failed to make time for them ever since Liam came into the picture. Cole was still sleeping, and while I know he would never judge me, I was judging myself enough for the both of us and I had to get out of there.
Embarrassed, tired, and experiencing the come down to end all come downs, I rolled out of his bed and quietly slipped out the front door, walking the 6 blocks to my house.
Liam went out of town for a friend’s bachelor party for the weekend, leaving me space to breathe for the first time in months. He made me promise to stay home while he was gone, but I’ve missed my family, so I saw it as an opportunity. I had dinner with Rico & Mimi, and then hit the club with Cole so we could hang out like old times.
Riddled with worry over what Liam would do if he found out I’d gone out, I was having a really difficult time relaxing and enjoying myself. So when I waited outside the club for Cole to arrive last night, a dealer on the corner offered me Molly, and I bought it without a second thought.
For a little while she made everything better. Then she made it amazing. Until she didn’t anymore. Slowly the emptiness creeped back in tenfold.
I distinctly recall Cole pressing me about Liam, telling me it’s ok to leave, and I know that he knows. I don’t really know how to unpack any of that, because I truly thought I was doing a great job of keeping everything under wraps. The only good thing about rolling my face off last night, is I can play pretend when I see Cole again. Act stupid. Like I never heard a word he said.
God, I’m such a fucking mess.
I put on a sweet smile for the world. I flip my hair and laugh. I cheerlead for everyone around me, but inside, I’m fucking dying. And I make sure that nobody knows it. Or at least I try to. Maybe I don’t have the poker face I thought I did.
Sliding the shower door open, I reach in, turn the knob, and wait for the water to warm. As I slide down my pants, the ringing of my phone stops me in my tracks. Looking over at the vanity, the phone is lit up with Liam’s photo plastered on the screen. With a deep sigh, I reach over and swipe, putting it on speaker.
“Hey honey,”
“Aria, why didn’t you go home last night?”
My heart stills in my chest. How did he know?
“I -“
“You weren’t supposed to go out. Imagine my surprise when the app for your security system shows you only just got home this morning. I was worried about you. You worried me all night. How could you do that to me?”
“I um, I’m sorry Liam. I fell asleep at Mimi’s we were watching a movie. But wait, why do you have my security app login?”
It’s quiet for a moment, and I silently curse myself for the lame lie I came up with. Cole is just a friend, but Liam would flip out regardless if he knew where I was. He’s never happy when I hang around Rico and Mimi’s but since they’re basically parent figures, I can usually push back enough on it without suffering repercussions.
“I worry about your safety in a city like Havok Hills, Aria. I also don’t like it when you lie to me.”
“I’m no-“
Cutting me off, he states flatly, “I’m cutting the trip short. I’ll see you this evening,” and promptly he disconnects the call.
Pulling my shirt over my head, I shakily step into the shower and close the shower door behind me.
I don’t know how much longer I can do this for.
Engaged to marry a man that I don’t even think I love but damn sure can’t leave. In love with the ghost from my past who shattered me beyond repair. Desperate to run away again.