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“Yes it was,” he argues. “My gut told me something was off every time I asked you if you were okay, but I just couldn’t connect all the dots.”

“He’s right,” Leo says. “We should’ve picked up on it sooner.”

“Everybody was struggling.” I wipe my eyes. “And I chose to hide the truth from you. I did that with purpose, and that blame lies with me.”

“No more,” Jesse says with finality. “No more hiding the hard stuff, thinking we’re doing one another favors, because we’re not. We’re suffering in silence, and I don’t want to do that anymore.”

He’s right, it was crippling and suffocating, and we’re suffering. But one look around this room is proof that we had it all wrong. Because it isn’t just about the loss, it’s about the love, and Lola is loved.

We may have buried her two years ago, but she is very much alive and well.

In every thought.

In every breath.

In every sunrise and sunset.

“Can I have a pen?” I ask.

“Of course.” I watch as Leo strides over to a chest of drawers that sits along the back wall of the room. He opens the top drawer and pulls out a handful of pens.

“Raine insists we have a variety of colors,” he explains.

I pick out a green Sharpie and find a spot to call my own.

I miss you.

33

ZARA

The three of us walk out of Lola’s room and into the living area, where Deacon and Julian are staring at Clementine with smiles on their faces as she cradles a baby, no bigger than four months old, wrapped in a light-green baby blanket, and Raine excitedly stands beside her.

Jesse had told me Deacon and Julian finally welcomed their baby girl into the world, but it didn’t even occur to me that I would be seeing them this weekend.

“I’m just going to make room in the refrigerator since we’re clearly not eating any time soon,” Jesse says.

“Shit, Jess.” I grab his forearm. “I’m sorry.”

“Please.” He waves me off. “I would rather all of us be here and smiling exactly like this. The food isn’t going anywhere.”

My eyes return to Clementine as she stares down at the newborn, her eyes full of wonder. And when her gaze finds mine, she smiles. Big.

Big enough that my heart stutters over itself as I bear witness to a version of her I didn’t even think to consider.

“I’ve never held a baby,” she whispers.

Striding toward her, I stand on the opposite side of Raine and take in the baby’s sleeping form.

I glance up to look at Julian and Deacon. “What’s her name?”

“Reese,” Deacon answers, his voice so full of love and adoration. “Reese Sutton.”

My eyes sting with tears, emotion thick in my throat. But for the first time today, they’re not tears of sadness. Because it’s so hard to look at men like Julian and Deacon, who are two of the most honest and loving men to ever walk this earth, and see them so enamored by their brand new daughter and feel anything but genuine happiness.

“She’s beautiful,” Clementine says.

I press a kiss to her cheek and notice Raine watching me.