Page 10

The things that are a complete bore but are an absolute necessity.

Finishing off my breakfast, I clean the kitchen and go through the house, writing down a shopping list and flipping laundry. Before I jump in the shower, I grab my cell and lie down on my bed before tapping on the name of the person I call the most.

“Hey,” Jesse answers.

My mouth immediately curves up at the edges at hearing the smile in his voice. “Hey yourself. Are you busy?”

“For you, never.”

“Such a charmer,” I tease.

“Hey, Leo always thinks so.”

Something akin to a chuckle and snort leaves my mouth. “It’s a good thing you married him, then, huh? But I didn’t call you to discuss your husband’s undying love for you. I called because you know how much I hate when you leave messages for me with Raine.”

His voice loses its jovial tone. “If you answered when I called, I wouldn’t have to tell her to tell you to call me.”

“I answer,” I argue.

“You answer every third or fourth day and text me in between like it’s enough.”

He isn’t intentionally trying to guilt me, but the truth makes me feel guilty. It’s been six months since Raine and I left Seattle to come to L.A., and my struggle to adapt has become my biggest secret, one that I don’t want my best friend and father of my child to catch wind of.

“I’m just busy,” I lie.

“Well, I miss you,” he says, his revelation gnawing at my resolve. “I’m still struggling with not seeing you or talking to you almost every day.”

Jesse and I were sixteen when I fell pregnant with Raine. A night we would both rather forget ended up in a teen pregnancy that has bound us together for life. I knew he was my best friend then, but there isn’t a person on this planet who encapsulates the true essence of what being a true best friend is like Jesse does.

It also means he knows when I’m lying, and he isn’t above calling me out on my shit.

“I’m worried about you,” he says. “I know why you moved, Zara, but I don’t like that you’re struggling.”

I swallow past the lie. “I’m fine.”

“I’m going to fly down next week.”

This has me shooting upright. “Absolutely fucking not.”

“I can come and see Raine if I want.”

“That’s not what you’re doing,” I counter. “And you know it.”

He sighs in resignation, and we both sit in silence.

“I’m fine,” I say again, trying to appease him. “It’s a little harder than I thought it would be, but I’m going to get through it.”

“It’s just that you were there for Leo and me, and I want to do the same for you.”

I think back on the last two years, how much Leo and Jesse and their marriage suffered. I know he wants to return the favor and be the rock he thinks I need, but as much as I miss my best friends, and my daughter misses her fathers… Ineedthis time apart.

I need this moment to reconnect with the woman I used to be. To resuscitate her. To love and nurture my broken heart until my mornings start with hope and anticipation, and the nights end with an exhaustion that can only be found when you’re fulfilled and sated.

I’m not there yet, far from it, actually, but I have hope it’s possible. I just need time. Time Jesse doesn’t know how to give me. I know there is a big part of him that feels responsible for my unhappiness, and without bringing up the most painful parts of our shared history, there is no way to appease him of that guilt.

Not till I’ve well and truly come out the other side.

“Jesse,” I say, my voice holding firm. “This is normal. It’s a big change, for all of us. I have lived in Seattle my whole life, and we have lived in each other’s pockets for more than twenty years. It’s going to take a minute.