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“Yeah, I’m just checking on you.”

First Raine and now him—I feel like I’m missing something. “Is everyone okay?” I huff. “Because between you and Raine, the questions feel more like an inquisition.”

“We can’t be worried about you?”

“Why are you worried aboutme?” I ask defensively. “It’s a tough time for all of you, but I’m fine.”

I know Jesse can read me like a book, but he also knows never to call me out, especially when it comes to Lola. It’s still always too awkward, because I don’t allow myself to grieve in front of any of them. Instead, when Jesse, Leo and Raine figured out a way to commemorate Lola’s memory, I asked them not to include me. I said I wasn’t her mother the way that I was Raine’s, and they were not responsible for me and my feelings.

I was nothing more than a surrogate and I was here forthem.

It’s the biggest lie I’d ever told, but I’m determined to take it to the grave.

“Leo and I are going to leave now,” he says. “We have to stop by the florist first. I’m going to leave you his car, and you can drive there with Raine.”

My lungs deflate in relief for the little bit of reprieve this would allow me. “That sounds good. Thank you.”

He leans forward and kisses me on the forehead. “I love you, you know that.”

My eyes threaten to fill with tears and I quickly close them, hoping to evade the onslaught of emotions. “Love you too,” I manage to croak out. “Now go so you’re not late.”

After he leaves, I give myself a once-over and head back to my room to return my toiletries bag, and find Raine lying down on the bed with her eyes closed. Climbing up on the mattress, I lie beside her.

“What are we doing?” I ask her.

“Talking to Lola,” she answers casually.

My chest tightens. “Can I ask what you talk to her about?”

“Normally, yes. But this time it’s just some sister stuff,” she says. “A girl’s got to have secrets, you know?”

My shoulders shake, laughing. “You better not be keeping any secrets from me.”

Her cell alerts her to another message, and I sit up and glance at her over my shoulder. “Mother’s intuition is telling me something is up.”

Her expression never falters as she reads and responds to whoever texted. “Mother’s intuition would be correct.”

I jokingly smack her thigh, thoroughly enjoying the lighthearted distraction between us at this particular point of time. “Raine.”

Sitting up, she smirks before throwing her legs off the side of the bed. “We better get going.”

Following her, I lock up Jesse’s house and then throw her the keys. “Want to drive?”

She catches them, and together, we climb into Leo’s car. L.A. traffic is so bad, there was no point in investing in a second car there, but here she could put that license to good use and drive her mother around for a change.

We arrive at the cemetery just in time to see Leo and Jesse make their way to Lola. They have balloons and flowers, and Leo is holding a cute little plush horse under his arm that I know he’ll take back home and add to her collection.

The last time I was here with Jesse and Leo, they couldn’t even look at each other or hold one another, their grief insurmountable. I had put all my energy into making sure Raine was okay and hiding just how much they were suffering from her, whenever I could.

But this time almost feels like the first time for me, because I have nothing else to focus on but myself. Raine is older, wiser, and her fathers are in the right headspace to be able to be the ones to support her this time around, and I… I’m just me.

We gather around the headstone and my breath shudders at the sight of it. The grass around it is beautifully manicured, and the pristine marble shines under the midday sun.

It reads:

Lola Ricci-Hunt

Beloved daughter and sister.