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Twenty-Nine

30th October, Tuesday

I love how your face lights up like the fourth of July when you see me laugh or smile, especially when you are the reason behind that smile. I really do. It’s like you have achieved something impossible that you are proud of.

But you can’t always do that, Ethan.

When we were kissing today and going to do more intimate stuff, I remembered that I had disgusting cuts on my thighs. I didn’t want you to see them and ask me what had happened because I knew I would have told you. About everything.

That’s why I tried to push you away when you were about to remove my pajamas. But that’s not the whole point. I saw Dave’s face every time you kissed me and felt his rough hands when you held me.

It was wrong, but I was scared. I am sorry you had to see me cry and almost have an anxiety attack. I couldn’t help myself.

I didn’t sleep that night until I had enough guts to face you. So, I took my blanket and snuggled with you. As your warm body cuddled with me, all the bad thoughts went away. Just like that. I apologized to you and I meant it.

I pushed you away, but you stayed and now I wished I had stayed too.

Love,

Kiara