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“Kiara? Can I please come in?” I heard Ethan’s voice, laced with worry.

Of course, he would be worried, Kiara. What did you think? You haven’t allowed him to touch you or even hold you whenever you were together, ignoring his kisses and sleeping in separate beds at night.

“No,” I said firmly, but my voice was weak. Just like my body, which can’t bear any child.

He sounded angry. “Yes, I am coming in.”

I turned off the shower and wrapped the towel around me even though I knew he was watching me.

“Kiara,” he said, his voice strained. He stood in front of the door when I tried to get out. “Talk to me, Bella. We haven’t talked about the miscarriage—”

I glared at him. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“But it happened, Kiara. You can’t ignore it and it’s hurting you.Pleasetalk to me. Or anyone.”

“I don’t want to, Ethan. Please move.”

“Let me see you.”

He was begging.

I looked away and shook my head.

He stepped closer, “Why not?”

My fists tightened over the towel as I didn’t reply. I stilled when his warm hand landed on top of mine, “Please? I won’t . . . I won’t touch you, Bella, if that’s what you want, but please let me see you.”

I didn’t reply and squeezed my eyes shut when he gently pried the towel away from me. I turned around, hiding my face with my wet hair. I shrugged away from his hand when he tried to touch me, a tear escaping my eyes.

“I don’t want you to see me, Ethan. Or touch me, because I am ugly.” My voice broke when I said that. “I can’t even take care of my body or my . . .ourchildren, Ethan. I can’t even look at myself as a woman—”

“Stop,” he hissed. He turned me around and grabbed my face. “Stop saying that. You are beautiful to me and you are my woman. I don’t want to hear you say that.” His thumbs wiped the tears as his eyes trailed down my body, still fueled with lust and adoration as if I had something worth looking at.

“Please stop looking at me, Ethan.”

“No, I want to show you how beautiful you are.”

He gently pressed his lips to mine, his large hands caressing my body sweetly. We kissed. He took me to bed, whispering sweet nothings in my ear. Kissing my body, worshiping it with his hands and mouth. But I was too shaken up, and I cried and pushed him away. If I couldn’t love myself, then how could I ask him for it?

“Let me touch you, Bella. We won’t have sex.” He gently pried away my hands, his body covering mine, and pulled me to him. He kissed my hair and covered us both with blankets. I relaxed under his warm hold, my mind running through all the times we had spent together.

I slept in his arms when he whispered sweet things to me, promising me it would be alright and that we can try again. I didn’t reply.

When I woke up after a few hours, it was well past noon and Ethan was nowhere in sight. He had left me a note saying that he would be back before dinner and I should have the spaghetti he had made for me. My stomach growled at me as I changed into my sweatpants, and his t-shirt while I made my way into the kitchen.

After devouring my lunch, I asked Dr. Sabrina if she would have a session with me right now. I needed to talk to someone before Ethan came back. Anya and Katherine were busy with their work, and I felt that I would need to tell them personally.

* * *

“Kiara?”

“I’m in here!” I said from the guest room where I had been sleeping for the last week. It seemed cold and barren without Ethan’s musky cologne, like in his room.

He appeared in the doorway, smiling at me. “Hey.”

I managed a small smile, happy to see him. I patted beside me, wanting him to sit with me on the bed. “Can we talk?” I asked, my heart pounding in my ears.

Doctor Sabrina’s words rang in my mind, if you are interpreting and have negative thoughts, ask the person for the facts.

Ask him, Kiara.

Ethan nodded, settling beside me, his sandalwood scent wafting in my nose making me scrunch the sheets. “What did you want to talk about, Bella?”

I swallowed the lump in my throat, forcing myself to be stronger for us. For him. And for me.

“I wanted to talk about the miscarriage.”