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know if she can come pick Tildy up because she forgot about

her dance lesson tomorrow morning and it’s early. I tell her

I’m good with her staying or dropping her off early in the

morning. She lets me know that she can’t butcher my Saturday

morning that way.

After that, I wait. Mandy is at my door in twenty

minutes. She buzzes, and that wakes up both Steph and Tildy.

Steph looks around, adorably bewildered, but then she

smiles shyly, slightly embarrassed, like I knew she would be. I

don’t know why some people find knowing another person

boring. I already knew how she’d react and that makes me feel

wonderful. I know this person. This person is special to me

and I already know some of her quirks and expressions. I think

that being with one person for a long time is something

special. Something rare. Something beautiful. I don’t find that

boring at all.

After a very sleepy Tildy is bundled off, still wearing

my t-shirt, her pretty dress and shoes tucked under Mandy’s

arm, Steph approaches me at the doorway. “I can go,” she

says. “It’s pretty late.”

That’s about as clear an out as I’m going to get. She

means it. She’s not trying to pressure me. She’s not trying to

force something to happen that I’m not ready for. God, I might

not be ready, but I want it. I want to kiss her. I thought about it

all Tuesday when we had our date. I wished it would have

ended up with me going back to her place or her coming back

to mine. I couldn’t sleep that night. I ached all week. Desire is

a crazy thing. It can empower or cripple you, or both at the

same time.

“No.” I mean to say that firmly, but it comes out