Page 93 of The Lilac River

“I have no clue, but I have two shits and couldn’t give either one of them at this point.”

Gunner smirked and tipped his bottle against mine. “She looked like she had the devil in her eye when she got home. And Wilder told me about Lily. You want to talk about it?”

I took a long swig of my beer and mentally sagged. “Where’s Wild now?”

“In the den watching some UK soccer game.”

We hadn’t had the chance to talk when he’d got back from taking Lily home. Bertie’s little ears were listening. Dinner wasus eating while she sat regaling us of lavender wreaths and centerpieces and the apple pie Felicia had made with dinner.

I didn’t want to have to talk if the truth be known, but I knew my brothers. “I may as well talk to you both about my great fuck up of the century.”

Gunner slapped my back. “Sounds serious. You go in and I’ll get us some more beers.”

Nodding, I walked through the dining room to the den, trying not to look at the dining table as I passed it.

“Well, if it isn’t Mr. Lova Lova Man,” Wilder shot out, still concentrating on the soccer game on our enormous screen TV, the one item we were grateful to Dad for.

“Fuck off, Wild. It isn’t what you think.”

“Yeah, those were the words I gave Carlisle Struthers when he caught me banging his mom.” He gave me a quick glance. “And that was most definitely what he thought it was.”

“What did she say?” I flopped down onto the opposite side of the black leather.

He smirked and in a high-pitched voice cried, “Oh my God, Wilder, you’re incredible.”

“Not Mrs. Struthers, you dick. Lily. What did Lily say?”

Sighing, he muted the screen, just as Gunner walked in with three more beers.

“What did I miss?” he asked, putting a bottle in front of me on the square glass coffee table.

“Wilder was just about to tell me what Lily said on the ride home.” My heart felt heavy as I recalled the look of devastation when she thought I regretted what we’d done. I mean I had but not for the reasons she thought.

“She deserved better,” I groaned. “And I just didn’t convey that properly.”

"You really screwed this up," Wilder said, taking a beer from Gunner.

"Thanks," I muttered, flopping onto the couch.

Gunner leaned forward. "You’re gonna fix it, right?"

"I’m gonna try."

They grilled me. They laughed at me. They gave me hell about the dining table. But in between the jokes, the message was clear:

I needed to fix this.

Lily deserved better. We both did. And no matter what it took, I was going to find a way to make her believe it.

Because this time, I wasn't letting her go.

Chapter 35

Shame – Robbie Williams

Lily

I’d only been at school for a couple of hours and was already desperate for the day to end. Lack of sleep, aching muscles from incredible sex, and a pounding headache from crying half the night. It was a miracle I’d even made it through the door. I moved like I was underwater, everything just slightly off—too slow, too loud, too much.