Page 37 of The Lilac River

"Yep."

"Jesus Christ."

He grinned. "We’ll bring Wilder. Kid’ll probably needs to teach us how to flirt again."

Despite everything, I laughed.

Maybe getting drunk wasn't the worst idea. Because if I didn’t do something, the ghost of Lily Jones was going to ruin me all over again. At that moment, though, I needed some fresh air.

“I’m going to check on something in the stables,” I told Gunner.

“Now?”.

“Yep.” Swallowing back frustration, I wiped my hand on a dish towel. “Won’t be long.” I had no need ever to go to the stables at night. Gunner knew that.

“I’ll keep an eye on Bertieanddinner, shall I?”

“Yep,” I snapped and strode out of the house

I shoved open the stable door with more force than necessary, sending a loud creak echoing through the rafters. The smell of hay and leather wrapped around me, grounding me the way it always had. Still, it did little to settle the storm raging inside my chest.

Lily. Lily was here. Not just back in town. Not just some rumor or memory. She was real. Close enough to touch. And still somehow so damn far away.

I leaned my forearm against one of the beams and dropped my head, letting the rough wood bite into my skin. I hadn’t even realized how much I'd hoped, how much I'd dreamed that if I ever saw her again, it would be different. That time and distance would have erased the hurt.

But seeing her today, all soft smiles and gentle words aimed at my daughter, had split me wide open.

She still looked like my forever. And God help me, I still wanted her like a dying man wanted his next breath.

Bertie’s laugh echoed from the house, carried on the warm breeze, and I closed my eyes, swallowing down the ache clawing up my throat. She deserved this chance, deserved a teacher whocared, who would nurture her and believe in her brilliance. I wasn’t stupid. I knew Lily would be good for her.

But could I survive it? Could I really stand by and watch Lily build a new life here that didn’t include me?

The idea hollowed me out from the inside.

A soft snort sounded from the next stall, and I turned to find Peanut, Gunner’s horse, sticking his head over the gate, regarding me with lazy curiosity. I dragged a hand over his nose, feeling the warmth of him, the solid, steady beat of life under my palm.

“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, buddy,” I muttered. “Feels like I’m right back at square one.”

Square one, where she was the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins, and losing her had felt like the kind of wound a man didn't recover from.

Maybe this time would be different. Maybe this time, if I was brave enough to risk it, we could finally get it right.

I looked toward the house, where the windows glowed warm against the gathering dusk. Bertie was in there. My brothers were in there. My family. My future.

And maybe, just maybe, Lily was meant to be part of it after all.

But how could she be when there was still a lie between us. When I didn’t know I could ever forgive her for breaking my heart.

What I did know was tonight I’d thought about her enough. I needed to push her from my mind and spend my time with the one girl who loved me unconditionally.

Tucking Bertie in usually took ten minutes, tops. Kiss on the forehead, a story if she hadn’t worn herself out, lights out, job done. Tonight? Tonight, she was wriggling like a landed fish, arms waving around, face lit up with excitement.

"Daddy, did you enjoy it at school today?" she whispered, pulling the covers up to her chin.

"I did," I said, smoothing a stray hair off her forehead.

"You did look like you were pretty happy about it." Bertie’s whole body wiggled under the covers. "And when I drew a sunflower Miss. Gray said it was beautiful. She said myideaswere beautiful."