Page 44 of The Lilac River

I stood there a long time, chest heaving, guilt scorching through me like fire. Then I turned and headed back to the bar, wearing the only thing I had left, anger.

And under that, heartbreak. Still.

Chapter 17

Before the Storm – Jonas Brothers

Lily

Ileaned back against the rough brick wall of Downtown’s bathroom and pressed trembling fingers to my mouth.

God. God.

What the hell just happened?

My heart thundered in my chest, wild and ragged like a runaway horse, and it was all I could do to stay upright. I could still feel the hard press of Nash’s body, the furious heat of his mouth against mine. Taste him. Breathe him.

One kiss. That’s all it had taken to rip apart every wall I’d spent years building.

I squeezed my eyes shut, fighting the sting of tears. It wasn’t supposed to feel like this. It wasn’t supposed to feel like coming home.

Nash’s words echoed through me, low and rough and devastating. ‘Don’t you dare pretend you don’t still feel it between us.’

And the worst part, the part that gutted me, was that he was right. I felt it. God help me, I felt it like a live wire under my skin.

But what good was feeling when you’d already proven you weren’t strong enough to hold on to it?

Shoving trembling hands against my chest, I tried to slow my breathing. Tried to remember who I was now. I wasn’t that girl anymore, the one who thought love could fix everything. I had responsibilities. A life. Mom was counting on me, even though she didn’t know it.

I wasn’t going to break again. I wasn’t.

Pushing off the wall, I straightened my spine. Somewhere inside Downtown, Cassidy was probably still waiting, wondering why I'd disappeared. And I couldn’t tell her the truth. Not yet. Not when my soul still tasted like him and my heart hadn’t stopped shaking apart in my chest.

Squaring my shoulders, I headed for the door, swallowing the lump in my throat and pasting on a smile that I knew Cassidy would see straight through.

One step at a time, Lily. One step at a time.

"Okay?" Cassidy asked, nudging a full glass of wine toward me as I got back to the table.

"Yeah, fine." I grabbed the glass and swallowed half of it in one go. “Why?”

Cassidy's eyes narrowed. "That would be the wild hair, the red cheeks, and the fact you just downed half a glass of wine."

I forced a laugh. "It’s been a week."

She peeked over my shoulder, then back at me. "Did you and..." She blinked slowly, giving me a look loaded with meaning.

I refused to respond, but Cassidy was relentless. "He came back from the bathroom looking hot under the collar too."

She was too sharp to miss anything.

When I didn’t answer, her mouth fell open. "Holy crap, you did!" She clutched her chest like I’d told her I'd just committed a crime. "What happened?"

I glanced around the bar, trying to ground myself with the noise and the music and the familiar old walls that hadn't changed since high school. My gaze found Nash instantly.

He was sitting with his brothers, looking like he wanted to be anywhere but there, scratching his neck the way he always did when he was frustrated. Even now, it was impossible not to notice him.

"Lily," Cassidy hissed. "Did you have sex with him in the bathroom?"