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I wish I could place the blame back on him, but I can’t. It was all me. I grind my teeth together. Seeing Kenna right before we started play fucked me up.
The crowd groans again, and I peer around Aidan to find that Hamilton has gotten another first down.Fuck. They’re marching right down the field, and I really don’t want to be two touchdowns in the hole before offense can get back on the field.
He bends to one knee in front of me. “I know what’s going through your head. You’ve been a zombie all day, and the only time you perked up was when you talked about Kenna to the guys. It’s so obvious. I don’t know why you can’t see it.”
What if Icansee it now? What if I realize I was just scared to put my issues on her, so I backed away? I put those concrete walls up and pretended everything would be better without her in it. It was stupid. “I see it.”
Aidan rears back, surprised.
“I bet you didn’t expect me to say that.”
“No, because you’re a stubborn dick. Everyone can see it,” he says, gesturing around the sidelines. When he does so, my fellow offensive players glance away.
Have they been looking at me this entire time? They’re probably wondering what my problem is. I’m supposed to be a leader on the field, and I’m leading everyone to a fucking loss.
“You talked about how courageous Kenna was earlier, but you’ve been acting scared. You could’ve fought for her. You could’ve said something.”
“Are we really going to do this during the game?” I snap. It’s not him that I’m mad at, though. I’m furious with myself.
“Yes!” He shoves my knees. “Because you’re losing it. And because you look like a damn coward in front of her.”
I pull back.In front of her?
His jaw tenses. “I didn’t want to tell you, but she’s sitting on the fifty, first row. Sydney got her the seats.”
“But she doesn’t like football.” It takes everything in me not to look behind me to search for her. I’m on the forty-five right now. We’re so close.
“But maybe she likes a football player,” he says, finally standing. He shakes his head. “I get it, man. She’s gotten under your skin. The good news is you can get a second chance. You can make this right, but I’m begging you. Don’t screw up this game because you’re mad at yourself for how you’ve acted. You have plenty of time. She’s. Right. There.”
I blink up at him as his words settle like a warm blanket around my shoulders. Peering out at the field, I take in the collision of our D-line. Above them is a sea of blue, and beyond that, there’s the vast, lighter-blue sky filled with white puffy clouds.
I know what I did now. I backed myself into a refined space where I could only count on myself. It was like being in that closet all those years ago.
But look where I am now. There are more Brooks jerseys out there than any other player on the team. They chantedmyname when I walked out. If I scan the crowd for signs, I read their words, take in their response to me.
#TeamWest
No One Puts Brooks in a Corner
In the End, #WestWins
Brooks: True Blue
Keep Your Head Up, 53
They made those for me. Some of them sound like they’re in direct response to the interview I gave just hours ago.
I am no longer the scared little boy, and I don’t have to silence myself.
Aidan’s still watching me, so I give him a short nod. “I’m in it.”
“Good,” he sighs. “Now, if we can get a stop on defense.”
Aidan turns to stare at the field, and I hate the way I’ve let him down. There’s so much riding on this game for him. It’s hard being the quarterback after a great one gets drafted. He needs wins. He needs to start his legacy, and I’ve been screwing it up for him.
I stand, clapping him on the shoulder pads across his name. “I got you, man.” I hold out my fist. “Let’s turn this shit around.”
He touches my fist with his. “I should be a motivational speaker. That was pretty damn good.”