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Aidan’s video game makes apingthat sounds like a notification on my phone, so I end up peering at the screen. Nothing’s there. Wishful thinking, maybe.
I push my book away. My earlier encounter with Kenna as myself left a bad taste in my mouth, but I know who she actually likes…
NoOne: Hey, whatcha doing?
McKennaK: You know me. Just living it up with my calc homework.
I scroll through where our last conversation ended and see my remark about the cherry.
NoOne: I hope my cherry comment didn’t freak you out.
My fingers fly across the on-screen keyboard, and it feels so good to put my thoughts out there, even if it is under anonymity. Aidan mostly gets the moody, doesn’t-want-to-talk, athletically gifted Hulk, but Kenna, unknowingly, gets to see the real me. Or the me I wish I could be if I could just get my brain to understand that not everything has negative consequences like my past.
McKennaK: Yeah, I kinda dropped the ball on that one. Sorry. Been dealing with some stuff today.
Stuff. That can only mean me, I’m sure. Part of me wants to pry and get her to say what she really thinks about me, but I’m pretty sure I already know. She is not impressed with West “the Hulk” Brooks.
McKennaK: Question. It’s a big one.
I worry my lip. Flexing my fingers, I ignore the hollow sensation in my chest. It feels a bit like she’s about to ask if NoOne is West, and I’m scared as fuck to get found out. How would I even explain it?
NoOne: I’m ready.
It’s the only thing I can think to text, but the truth is, I’m not ready. This girl means more to me than she should, and that freaks me out. Everything I’ve ever enjoyed has been taken away from me. Even football for a time.
McKennaK: You know who I am, right? I mean, it’s no secret what happened. How come you’ve never asked to meet up?
McKennaK: Or is that not what you want from this?
A pit opens up in my stomach. I just stare down at my screen, reading her words. I don’t know what it’s like to be Kenna, but I do know what it’s like to go through something traumatic. Approaching her today must have brought back all the memories of what happened.
Her words remind me of why I first messaged her. I’d had to bribe a student worker from the tech department to make me a username that wasn’t attached to me in any way whatsoever. Then I told him if he snitched I would kick his ass.
NoOne: The truth? I don’t know.
It’s a lie, but I’ve been lying to her, so what’s one more? I knew if I approached her as myself after what happened that I’d never be able to say what I wanted to. So, I went about it this way, hiding under the guise of someone else, a secret pen pal. An admirer of sorts. Her parents had isolated her. She needed a friend. At least, that’s what I’d told myself.
My phonepings, and I stare down at the screen in a panic.
McKennaK: Is it my scar?
My stomach doubles over, and I shoot a text as quick as I can.
NoOne: NO
My heart races. There’s so much more I want to say. My brain tells me not to, but this is why I’m NoOne, right? I can say whatever I want without thinking.
NoOne: I love your scar. That might sound weird, but…scars are like warpaint everyone can see. No one can doubt how badass you are.
My chest is heaving as I wait for her reply. Next to me, Aidan’s shooting a pretend gun and throwing fake grenades, and this feels as life or death as that. I just lobbed the ball into her court, and now I have to sit back to see where I stand.
Seconds go by that feel like minutes. I start typing again…
NoOne: …and being a badass is sexy as fuck.
After sending, I wait for her response, but it doesn’t come. After half an hour, I end up turning over and falling asleep to the sounds of Aidan’s video game.
I dream about loud bangs and sharp noises and my father’s voice booming off the walls.