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I want to tell her that I don’t think she knows what difficult actually is. It’s unfair, but the bullshit I’ve had to go through these past months because of a bunch of reckless douches makes me want to scream into the abyss for eternity.
“I got the note,” I tell her, feebly. This doesn’t look like it’s about to go my way.
“The truth is, you’re out of practice, Kenna. You haven’t been able to get into the pool for months. You’re out of shape. We don’t know where your conditioning is. You know as well as I do that time off can severely hurt athletes. You’re such a good diver—”
“Were, you mean,” I say bitterly, not meeting her eyes. Instead, I flick imaginary lint off my athletic pants.
She huffs, leaning back and crossing her arms as ifI’mthe one who’s doing something wrong here.
“I know you can come back from this, but not this season. Not right now. I was able to keep your scholarship in place.” She leans forward again, her arms gesturing as if that was a feat in itself. She’s quiet for a long time, and she doesn’t talk again until I peer up to meet her eyes. “We can’t hold it forever, though,” she says, gaze teeming with sympathy. “This note is a good step. It gets you back in the water. But the reality is, I can’t put you on that platform, and deep down, you know it.”
My stomach clenches. All of the work I’ve done, and it feels like Coach just tossed it in the toilet and flushed it.
“But Laney,” I say half-heartedly, my heel digging into the tile at my feet. I’ll use any excuse at this point.
“Laney’s been partnered with Taylor. They’ve been practicing together for a while now, and they’ll be diving synchro together this season.”
Laney…and Taylor? No wonder she didn’t even want to look at me.
Coach beckons someone forward through the glass window of her office, and I turn to see my best friend standing outside the door, her dark hair wet to her shoulders. She steps in, and my heart sinks when the door closes behind her, the lock clicking into place with finality.
“You and Laney have been partners for a long time, so she wanted to be here when I told you.”
I turn back around to face Coach.
Did she? How righteous of her.
“I’m really sorry, Kenna,” Laney’s unsure voice sounds from behind me.
I shrug, not knowing what else to do or say. Everything that comes to mind sounds angry and bitter.
“It was my decision,” Coach says. “You were out of commission, and Laney needed a partner for synchro.”
The world just kept on spinning… Leaving me behind.
After several moments, I ask, “What do I need to do to get back on the roster?” The truth is, I can sit here and feel sorry for myself, or I can do something about it.
Coach finally picks up the note that only a few minutes ago I’d thought was my golden ticket. She reads through everything. “This is great, Kenna. Really. You can come back and practice with us starting immediately. Let’s see where you are physically and make a plan from there. I want you back on this team.”
She stands abruptly and moves over to my side of the desk. Laney steps out of her way as I gradually get to my feet. Coach places her arms around me, squeezing slightly. She smells like pool chemicals with a hint of fruit.
I’ve had a Coach hug before, and it was better than this. Stronger.
Everyone thinks I’m going to break.
“I’ll make it back on the team,” I vow, speaking the words aloud so she hears them, too.
“You will,” she says, stepping away, her hands squeezing my shoulders.
“This year.”
Her smile thins. “Kenna, I need you to have realistic expectations.”
Oh, realistically, I understand exactly what happened here. They gave my spot to Taylor. If I don’t have a synchro partner this year, who am I going to dive with? It takes months and months of training with a partner just to sync up. Laney and I had been partners for years. We were practically twins up on the platform.
“You’ll see,” I tell her.
Right now, I have no idea how I’m going to pull this off, but I don’t care. I can’t come this far and just stop.