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Sensing the shift in mood, Josie reaches over and squeezes my free hand. She’s smiling softly when I look up at her. “We’ll be here if you need to talk.”

I realize this is one of those magical moments where a friendship starts. Where it becomes real and you start to get comfortable around each other, opening up about things you’d never talked about before. Most of the time, I keep people at arm’s length, but I have the door open wide for these two. It’s scary to be vulnerable, but it’s freeing, too. Knowing I don’t have to carry everything on my own and that there are people out there who get it and want to help.

Now I just needed to trust that I deserve this. Friends who care about me for who I am rather than for what I can get them or do for them. A friendship I deserve.

“I know we haven’t gotten our food yet,” Josie declares, breaking the silence, “but please tell me we’re getting dessert.”

I laugh as Mia groans happily. “I’m down if you guys are.”

Mia reaches for the dessert menu. “If they don’t have ice cream, we’re going somewhere else.”

IwatchasMiatugs Josie across the parking lot to her car, both still giggling at whatever idiotic thing set us off. A smile is still on my face, but I’m not sure where it came from. It’d been forever since I had a night like this—full of laughter and good memories. We’d all only had a single drink, which was hours ago, but we’d bonded over childhood celebrity crushes (Am I the only one who remembers the live actionPeter Panfrom 2003?), and shared experiences of being considered fat women by society, and how others seemed convinced that the only way a woman can be healthy is to be thin.

My phone vibrates in my cupholder as I start my car; another text message from Will.

Answering or calling him would mean potentially ruining my good mood, which isn’t something I’m at all interested in. Ignoring him for long is also impossible. Which is why I’m dialing the number before I pull out of the parking spot, the sound of ringing overtaking the car.

Shockingly, he answers before the line can ring twice. “Why haven’t you texted me back?” His tone is demanding, dampening my mood. “I’ve been texting you for hours! What if something happened to you?”

“You knew I was out with friends, Will.” I roll my eyes, checking both directions as I pull out of the parking lot. The streets of Columbia are quiet at this late hour. “Why were you texting me that much when you knew I was busy? You’ve never texted me that much.”

“That is not true.”

“What?” I snort out a laugh. “Yes, it is.”

Even when we first started talking, we never texted that much. His focus was on work, never on our budding relationship. I was the one who would start and lead conversations, and not much has changed since we’ve been together. At least now, I know what to expect from him.

“What do you need, Will?”

“Why do you think I need something?” He was being repetitive in a condescending way, trying to act like the victim in this moment, but I’m too tired and happy to lean into it. “Maybe I just want to talk to my girlfriend. Is that a crime now or something?”

“You knew I was at dinner.” I stress my point, ignoring the acidic, nauseating way my stomach twists. A reminder of what I’d talked about only hours before. “You knew nothing was wrong.”

“Let me get this straight. You ignore your boyfriend when you’re with these friends?” I can see it unfolding—the way he’s going to turn this until I look like the bad guy. “That’s not like you. I’m not sure how I feel about you hanging out with people who make you think you have to choose.”

“Well then, it’s a good thing I don’t ask for your permission on who I can be friends with.”

I’ve never spoken back to him like that before, but it’s kind of invigorating. It’s not the first time I’ve thought about saying something like this to him, but it’s the first time I let the words come tumbling out. I don’t even care how mad it makes him; the strength I feel in this moment is empowering in a way I’ve never felt before.

“I don’t like this, Katrina,” Will warns, anger evident in his tone. “I don’t like what these women seem to be doing to you. They’re interfering in a relationship they know nothing about.”

I rub at my brow, lips pursed into a thin line. “They had nothing to do with me not texting you, Will. I haven’t told them much about you, if I’m being honest.”

That was apparently the worst thing to say. “Oh, so you don’t want to tell people we’re together? And you’re telling me to trust you?”

I groan, coming to a stop at a yellow light. “That’s not—”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Kat.” I can’t remember the last time he called me Kat. “I need to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

The car fills with silence for a second before music comes over the speakers to replace the call. Groaning, I laid my head down on the steering wheel, taking several deep breaths. Mia and Josie are right; I need to figure out what I want in life and whether it includes Will.

The light is barely green when someone behind me beeps their horn. I wave in apology as I accelerate, feeling more conflicted than I’ve felt in years.

The conversation with Mia and Josie rings in my ears, gently reminding me that I deserve to find someone who treats me right. Who doesn’t make me feel guilty about friendships and having a life of my own outside of a relationship. The more physical distance I put between myself and Will, the easier it feels to breathe. And shouldn’t that be the sign I’ve been looking for?

By the time I pull back into my rental, I’ve firmly made up my mind: the relationship has to end. Now I just have to figure out when that’ll happen.

February2024