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She turned her face into the pillow, muffling her voice as she mumbled into it, “You’re not supposed to like anyone except Mommy.”
The pain in her voice was unmistakable, and it twisted something deep inside me. I knew how she felt. I didn’t think I would like anyone except Quinn either. This life wasn’t what either of us had planned, wasn’t what Corinne deserved.
“Hey,” I said softly, taking her small hand in mine. “Your mommy was very special to me. No one could ever take her place.”
“Except Delia,” she said, a bit too roughly, her eyes brimming with tears.
“Not even Delia. No one could take your mom’s place, Corinne,” I snapped.
I softened my voice when I saw that her tears were spilling over and down her cheeks, and murmured, “I’m sorry. It’s just that I loved your mom. I don’t want anyone to say that I’m replacing her. That’s not fair,” I told her, my voice raw. “And if I did like Delia, that wouldn’t mean I love your mommy any less. It’s… grown-up stuff. It’s complicated.”
She sniffled, her lip quivering. “I hate grown-up stuff.”
I laughed and bent down to push my forehead to hers, “I do, too, sometimes.”
“I don’t want things to change,” she wailed, and it broke my heart to see her chin scrunched up as she started to sob.
Sitting up, I pulled her into my lap for a hug, holding her close. “Things have to change, Rin-Rin, but you can have your feelings about it. Change is hard for me, too. But I’m always going to be here for you. No one could ever replace you or your mommy. I promise.”
She buried her face in my chest, her tears soaking into my shirt. “Okay,” she whispered, though the sadness in her voice lingered.
I stayed with her until her breathing evened out, her grip on the stuffed bear loosening as sleep took over. When I finally slipped out of her room, my mind was a mess of emotions. Guilt, fear, longing—they all swirled together, leaving me feeling unsteady.
Back in the kitchen, I poured myself a glass of water, staring out the window at the darkened yard. Corinne’s question echoed in my mind. That reaction had shaken me. I hadn’t considered that Corinne wouldn’t want me to date.
I couldn’t let Corinne get hurt again because of me. She’d already been hurt once. Her mother’s passing wouldn’t have happened if I’d just been home instead of overseas.
How could I continue to see Delia if I knew it crushed Corinne? First Jeremy, now my daughter – how many broken hearts would lead the path to Delia?
twenty-nine
Delia
The table was set with far more care than necessary for a small family Thanksgiving. I had bought a new set of dinnerware, a far cry from the plates and cups I’d collected in my years at college. These matched, and I’d even bought cute Thanksgiving napkins to set next to every plate.
If only I could feel as polished as I felt this table looked. Instead, I sat stiffly, my hands folded in my lap, my stomach twisting with guilt.
I knew the secret I held, the pregnancy tests that I’d stuffed into a plastic bag so that no one would see them in the trash can. I knew the way Tyler had looked at me when I got home late the night before, the way he’d raised his eyebrows sleepily and said, “Youarea dedicated student. Don’t worry, I won’t tell Jeremy,” before passing out again while I popped the turkey in the oven to cook overnight.
All that work, and I hadn’t even gotten it to brine properly. I just hoped that everyone would attribute it to how bad turkey was in general, dry and bland. No one would think it was my fault, and certainly not because I was out all night meeting Robert’s daughter and listening to him pour his heart out.
I glanced across the table at Tyler, who was focused on carving the turkey, his brow furrowed in concentration. He looked up briefly and caught my eye, giving me a small, reassuring smile. I returned it, though mine felt forced.
Tyler always had a way of knowing when something was wrong, although this time, I had made it easy. It was a side effect of our lonely childhood. Having no one but each other had made an unbreakable bond.
“Delia,” my mother’s voice broke through my thoughts, zapping me out of self-pity. “How’s Jeremy been?”
The sound of his name made my stomach flip. I took a slow sip of water to buy myself a moment. “I don’t know,” I lied. “Why?”
“Well,” she continued, undeterred, “you’re still single, and the holidays are a good time to think about settling down.”
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from snapping. Tyler froze mid-slice, his eyes darting between me and Mom as if preparing for a showdown.
“I’m 24,” I said evenly, forcing a polite smile. “Not exactly out of time.”
Tyler served Mom a few slices of turkey before handing me one, saying, “Here, put this in your mouth.”
“It’s just a shame you two didn’t work out,” she said with a sigh, cutting into her turkey. “He was such a nice young man. Polite, hardworking, successful. The kind of guy who could really help you get your career started.”