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Her hands flew to cover her mouth when she saw the carnage of used pregnancy tests. She leaned down and looked closer at all the tiny little blue ‘pregnant’s, her eyes widening at each one. Standing up straight, she barked in shock, “You’re pregnant!”
“I know,” I groaned, and slid down the wall to the bathroom tile.
For a moment, the air was thick with silence and tense with emotion. Kassandra squatted down so that we were at eye level, and she took my hands in hers. “Well, is this good news or bad news?”
“I don’t know!” I exclaimed, frustrated, and rested my head against the wall.
“Okay!” She moved one of her hands to my shoulder and looked into my eyes. “Okay. It’s okay. Why don’t you know? What feelings are you having?”
“I’m…I’ve always wanted to be a mom,” I told her, finally really seeing her, my eyes focusing through my tears.
“That’s good, that’s good. Hey, that’ll do it.” She held her hands out on either side of her like she was selling me something.
I laughed despite myself. “But it’s…the dad doesn’t like me very much, I don’t think.”
“Who is he? If you want to tell me.” She added the second part in a rushed voice, concerned that she had offended me by asking.
“Of course, I want to tell you. It’s just…hard to. It’s sensitive.” I scrunched up even tighter into a smaller ball.Maybe if I get small enough, no one will be able to see me.
“Is it Jeremy?” she whispered, her face screwed up like she’d hate nothing more.
“No,” I groaned. “It’s worse than that.” I flopped my face down onto my knees, took a deep breath, and whispered into my lap, “It’s Robert.”
“Robert? Who’s Robe– is that the self-defense guy who came to the bar a few weeks ago? The one who was insane to that customer?” Her voice was accusatory, her eyes wide in shock.
As if instinctively, I defended him, “That customer was being inappropriate with me!”
“No, I know. I’m just saying. That was quite the reaction by him. Nice of him to protect your honor, though, I guess.” She sat down next to me, flopping her body beside me and laying her head back against the wall.
“My honor,” I scoffed. “Did you know that he came by the bar one day looking to apologize to me, and this guy was following me to my car? I didn’t know what was going to happen, and Robert knocked him clean out, choked him until he passed out, Kassie. He was protecting me. He looked out for me.”
“Wait, pause.” Kassandra turned to me, her legs splayed out in front of her, “Delia, I have so many questions.”
I took a deep breath, steeling myself for her response, and said, “I know. The day you didn’t come to class, I went by myself, and he kissed me out in the hall. It was weird, and we ended up sort of arguing. He came by the bar, and that’s what you saw. And then he was kind of rude to me again. So I guess he came by to apologize, and he ended up saving me, and then we kind of had sex.”
“Kind of? Seems like you definitely had sex, if those pregnancy tests are any indicator,” she chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.
But nothing about this felt light. “Very funny.”
“Delia…” Kassandra dragged her words out, looking at the counter like the tests were bombs that might explode any moment, “I don’t want to be the one to point this out if you’re not ready to face it, but is it worth noting that you told me he’s Jeremy’s best friend?”
“I know, I know,” I groaned. “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that?”
“And he’s another older guy. Don’t you want someone young and fun? Like a young professional type that can keep up with you?” Gently, she tucked some of my hair behind my ear, her head tilted to soften the blow of the question.
“I can barely keep up with him, honestly. I don’t think he’s the kind of old man you’re thinking he is.” I flopped my arms down to my side, releasing myself from the fetal position.
“Okay, so here’s what I’m noticing. You want to be a mom, and you’re defending him at everything I say. Maybe, just maybe, you like him.” Kassandra tapped the tip of my nose with her finger, her eyes twinkling.
“I don’t want to like him!” I explained, twisting around to face her fully. “He’s been judgmental and cocky, and after we had sex, he offered to have his driver give me a ride home.”
“What's wrong with offering to have his driver give you a ride home? That sounds nice.”
“I was asking where his bedroom was.”
“You weren’t in it?” Kassandra raised an eyebrow.
“We were in his kitchen,” I sighed, turning back to lean against the wall again, readying myself for the response I thought was coming. That I had done this to myself, that I had put myself in a ridiculous situation.