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She couldn’t have said anything more perfect. I ejaculated like a wild man, holding her body tight against me and emptying ropes of cum against her walls.
We lay there for just a moment, breathing wildly, sticky from our juices and our sweat, and then eventually, I felt her stir, so I stood up and helped her to her feet.
“Can we go to your bedroom?” she asked shyly, holding herself in a hug.
And I wanted to give that to her. I wanted to bring her to bed, hold her, and reassure her that I hadn’t just used her. But as I considered it, I started to think of the handcuffs still cuffed to the bedpost, the chair still next to the door, and the sleeping pills on my nightstand.
The panic over her seeing how truly damaged I was began to rise, and I kissed her tenderly on the lips, hoping that that was enough to let her know it wasn’t personal when I said, “My driver can take you home.”
Her eyebrows pulled in together, and I saw something shut in her expression. She went from looking like a vulnerable young woman who had just had amazing sex with me to someone who wanted to get out of my house as soon as possible.
“Are you serious?” she scoffed, bending over to grab her shirt and pulling it over her head. “You said you had a guest room,” she said sourly.
“I do, but I just thought after we… that you’d want to sleep with me in my bed. And I don’t think −”
She rolled her eyes and didn’t say anything.
I scrambled to come up with an excuse that didn’t let her know about the set up I had in my bedroom. I didn’t want to scare her. I didn’t want her to know just how fucked up I really was.
I pulled my pants up over my legs and continued, “I just think that’s best. I’ve got a daughter here, and I just…”
“Well, who was with your daughter when you were driving around town following me?” she asked sharply, as she jammed her feet into her shorts.
“With the nanny,” I answered, just as sharply. We were cutting each other back and forth so soon after sex, and I didn’t like it. “And I don’t like what you’re implying.”
“I’m not implying anything,” she sneered. I didn’t like her delicate features screwed up that way either. It hurt me to see the anger on her face.
“So you’re saying it? You’re saying that I’m a bad father or something?”
“I’m saying it seems like this was all an act to get into my pants. I don’t need your driver to take me home. I’ll get an Uber.”
She reached for her purse to look for her phone, and I watched her anxiously, my chest tightening.
I reached to take her phone, and she jerked away from me, so I said simply, “Really, Delia, you don’t have to do that.”
“Just…worry about your daughter, Robert. Seems like she needs you.” I knew she didn’t mean it in a way that was against my daughter, but I’d never had anyone say that my daughter needed me negatively before. It squeezed my heart and wrung it dry. I could feel my throat closing, the saliva disappearing from my mouth.
She clicked a button on her phone and started to walk away from me. It was over that quickly.
“Delia,” I whispered harshly, my voice carrying through the hallway, but I heard her open the front door and close it behind her. Although she had sounded angry that I was worried about my daughter seeing her in the morning, she still shut the door quietly so that she wouldn’t wake her.
I knew she was upset, and I knew I should follow her and kiss her and explain it to her, but I just couldn’t. I felt frozen to the spot with my own fears and insecurities.
Jeremy was right. Fear really was trauma’s best friend. This was the right thing to do. It was dangerous for her to sleep in the same bed as me. Even the same room as me wasn’t safe.
Besides, maybe this was for the best. Maybe now we’d gotten it out of our systems, and our respective relationships with Jeremy could go back to normal.
Maybe.
Except that I was already thinking of her getting into an Uber filled with my cum.
seventeen
Delia
The streaming sun through my window woke me from a deep sleep after my late night. For the briefest of seconds, I didn’t think of the night before and what had happened. I only enjoyed the sun on my eyelids and the knowledge that it was Veterans Day, so the clinic and the bar were closed, and I had nothing to do for a few days.
My eyes sprang open when I remembered the night before. Robert. The way he had felt inside me gave me goosebumps inside my body. The way he had treated me afterward gave me a lump in my stomach.