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“It’s fine with me,” I said, returning his weak smile.
There was so much unsaid between us. I wondered if he could see on my face that I had a secret.
I cleared my throat and looked at the door. “I really do have to grocery shop…I’m cooking for Thanksgiving this year, and I think I need to do a little practicing.”
“Oh, right, sure.” Jeremy stood up quickly. “Well, that was it, anyway. Just wanted to check on you.”
“Thanks, Jeremy.” I grabbed my purse and keys, trying to signal that I wanted him to leave. I still had to brush my hair and put on makeup, but he didn’t know that.
Well, maybe he did.
I touched my ratty hair self-consciously.
“Of course.” Jeremy walked to the front door and stood for a moment with his hand on the doorknob. “So are your mom and brother coming?”
“Mhm, they are,” I nodded, putting on a pair of tennis shoes.
“You know, it would be nice to see your brother when he comes into town. He and I had gotten kind of close before…well, you know.” He trailed off and looked down at his hand on the knob. I wanted him to turn it so badly. I wanted to be free from this conversation.
“Yep. I know all right.”
Jeremy opened the door and started to walk out, then paused and turned back. “Is there something you want to talk about?”
I laughed a little. “You came over to my place. Is there somethingyouwant to talk about?”
“Not exactly, but…would you mind if Tyler and I hung out while he’s in town? Only if you’re okay with it.”
“Oh. Um…I guess not.”
“Okay. If you’re sure. Thanks.”
“Sure, of course.” I waved his thanks off. I didn’t deserve it, after what I’d done with his best friend.
“You know, Delia, just because we broke up doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me. I’m still here.” He looked me in the eyes with an intensity that took me back for a moment.
I coughed and looked down at my feet. “I know, Jeremy. I see you all the time.”
“Right, but do you reallyseeme?” We stared at each other. I had no idea what to say to that. I hadn’t gotten the impression that we could have the same closeness after the breakup, and now he was telling me we could? I didn’t know what to do with it.
“Anyway, just something to keep in mind, I guess.”
He left, and I felt like he had punched me in the gut.
Something to keep in mind?
I wanted all of it wiped from my mind supernaturally, if possible.
eighteen
Robert
Corinne woke me up excitedly, banging at my door, and I awoke with a start. I’d been waking up to instant thoughts of my night with Delia and everything that had happened for weeks now. It was like being awoken by electrocution.
I had hurt Delia. It was the last thing I wanted to do. And now it seemed like it was probably too late to fix it. She would never forgive me after how I had acted.
“Baby girl, give me a minute!” I shouted groggily to Corinne, eyeing the chair against my bedroom door. I reached awkwardly for the handcuff key and finally managed to grab it.
After I freed myself, dressed, and brushed my teeth, I opened the door to a happy eleven-year-old, her eyes lit up. She was completely dressed and holding a cup of coffee out to me.