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What kind of man was I? Who was I without loyalty to a brotherhood?
twenty-seven
Delia
With a conflicted heart, I walked back toward the car where Jeremy and Tyler were sitting, waiting for me.
Part of my heart was soaring, knowing that Robert wanted to be with me. Another part was wrenched into a tangle, knowing that I was pregnant and he didn’t know. Knowing the impact it was going to have on his friendship.
There were so many moving parts to this that I was sick just thinking of them. It was like a rollercoaster.
As I got to the car, Jeremy slipped out of his seat and opened the door for me. “Where’d you go?” he asked.
I froze, guilt washing over me. “Hey, sorry, just had to help with the cleanup.”
“Okay, well, let’s get going. We’ve been sitting in the parking lot so long my legs are starting to cramp up,” Jeremy teased, his fingers tapping on the top of the car door.
I chewed on my bottom lip and blurted out, “Well, actually, they’re not really done in there. I figured I should stay and help.” When he didn’t respond, I added, “I’m thinking of teaching some of the classes, too, so I might stay and learn about that.”
His eyes narrowed slightly for only a second before returning to normal. “You’re clearly a…dedicated student.”
“Well, you know how I am about school. Can’t help it, I guess,” I lied, the lie rolling off my tongue so easily I felt like I didn’t recognize myself. I’d never been a good liar, and here I was, acting like a pro.
“Sure. Well…” Jeremy turned to look at Tyler, who shrugged. “I guess we’ll just head back to the house then. Tyler mentioned you were cooking…?”
“For tomorrow,” I said, panic rising as I remembered the cooking. “Oh!” I reached over, handing Tyler the pie I’d slipped out with. “This is for you.”
Jeremy lingered, disappointed, as if waiting for me to change my mind, but I shoved my hands into my pockets, staying silent.
“Tyler, are you okay with it?” I asked suddenly.
He grinned. “Go! I got what I wanted.” He waved the pie triumphantly.
I spun on my heel and walked back into the library, happy to escape Jeremy. My face burned hot as I pushed through the doors. I hated lying, hated who I was becoming in pursuit of Robert.
“Hey, are you okay?” Robert asked as I entered the auditorium.
“I just… I feel like I’m doing everything wrong,” I whispered, tears stinging my throat.
He sighed and pulled me close. “Let’s get out of here.”
“We have to clean up,” I muttered, avoiding his eyes.
Robert shook his head, a smile crawling across his face. “Nah. I’ll let them do it.” He waved his hand toward the auditorium. “Come on, let’s go get Corinne.”
As he walked back to go get his daughter, I realized that I might be in a tangle of unsureness, but I knew one thing. I’d had enough of the lies. It was time I came clean about the secret in my womb.
***
The drive to Robert’s house was strangely fun. Corinne peppered me with questions from the backseat, with Robert looking at me through a sideways glance at each one, gaging if I was bothered.
I turned around in my seat as I answered, making direct eye contact with the wild little girl. Her eyes were a deep, chocolatey brown, and her face got pinker as she talked, her excitement visible.
“How did you meet my dad?” she asked, and I could feel her kicking the back of my chair absentmindedly with her feet.
“I took his self-defense course,” I answered with a smile. “He’s a good teach—"
“Did you learn a lot?”