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“I don’t know,” I whisper brokenly. “Is it unfair to say loving him and him being the father of my children might not be enough?”

“Fuck no,” she says. She straightens. “You’re staying tonight, and then tomorrow we’ll get a bunch of things and you can stay for the week. See what happens.”

I nod. And I text Demyan.

And he texts back.

Demyan

Just tonight?

Me

Yes.

And feeling like a liar, a traitor, and the weakest person on the planet, I put my phone down, knowing I don’t need to check to see if there’ll be anyone outside watching. There will be.

Kara doesn’t push me. There are times she will and times she won’t, and this is the latter. We settle and talk about herlove life, about the baby, my morning sickness, the waves of apparent tsunami emotions, and, of course, how Sasha wants a pet.

“You’ll have to get him one.”

I look at her. “Really?”

“The poor little thing, how can you be cruel?”

“You and Demyan both,” I mutter, catching myself.

After Sasha’s in bed, our pizza demolished and Sasha full of cheese and sauce and sausage and chocolate milk, a terrible combination that just might make his little tummy ache later, we sit and talk.

Kara finally says, wiggling her toes on the rug as the TV plays, sound mostly down, “You have to make a decision, you know that. What if this is just the first time in a line of other women. And I don’t mean sleeping with them, but his world… surely these marriages happen, and my concern is the reason he hasn’t found a way out is he doesn’t want to. This might suit him.”

“But—”

“After all, he could have it all. The wife with money and power attached and the woman he fucks and has his babies. You don’t strike me as a harem kinda girl, Erin.”

I glare at her. “It’s not that. It’s… he proposed to me. We had a romantic weekend where he promised he’d get out of this.”

“And yet it’s moved right on up, this wedding.” She rests kind eyes on me. “I don’t know, Erin. I don’t know what to think. I don’t really know him. And while I don’t blame him for knocking you up and leaving a fake name three years ago, I do blame him for this mess. Love isn’t aget out of jail freecard.”

“He isn’t asking that,” I say.

“Isn’t he? Demyan wants you to trust him but he’s stillengaged.” She turns to face me fully. “I care about you, not him. You.”

“I know, and I love you, too. This is so messy and complicated.”

“It shouldn’t be.”

And I know she’s right. I feel it, know it, deep inside. I want him to throw caution to the wind. I don’t want him to risk himself and all he has, either.

“Did you tell him about staying for the week?”

“No, I’m not sure if I should.”

“Don’t. Wait until tomorrow. Then see what he says.”

And I just agree.

Sashaand I have a full day. He grizzles because Demyan said he’d take him to the park today. There’s a small one near Kara and though it’s still cloudy, it isn’t raining so we spend the morning there. After we buy groceries, the guard is very helpful in carrying everything, and I suspect he’s under orders to not only stick close to me but to make sure I don’t strain myself.