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“No, I can’t.”
He wasn’t making this easy.
“I’ll give you a raise.”
“I don’t want more money.”
“Please. Anything. I need you to stay. Even if you don’t want to be with me, I can’t lose you completely from my life.”
Though these words were too little too late, I let them penetrate my heart.
Chapter 36
Troy
Monica stayed quiet as I practically pleaded with her to stay. I should have seen this coming, but I kept telling myself I had time. Time to win her back or make things right. I took for granted that she was just a few feet away from me every single day, giving me so many opportunities to fight for her, and I didn’t. Now, my time was up as her resignation letter sat in stark white against the dark oak of my desk.
I had seen this play out with my personal assistants in the past. I should be used to the folded paper delivered in a neat envelope with their professional sounding words thanking me for the opportunity, but it was time to move on. They made my job easy by saving me from breaking their hearts any more than I already had and leaving on their own accord when I couldn’t give them what they wanted. But now, it felt likemyheart was breaking.
I didn’t know what else I could say as she stood before me, making me go insane just wondering what she was thinking. If my words had been enough. I knew explaining the situation to Monica would be ridiculously unbelievable. I couldn’t blame her for not buying what seemed like a fabricated story, but toward the end of my panicked delivery, she seemed to show a sliver of empathy.
Offering a raise was probably a desperate attempt, and one I knew didn’t interest her in the slightest. But it was better than me spitting out what I really wanted to say, which was that I was in love with her. I think I realized it a long time ago, but was too stubborn to believe it. Too set in my old ways to think I could ever change. But I was. I was in love with the woman before me, and it took her leaving me to make me realize it. Wasn’t that how it always went?
I didn’t want to tell her like this. I didn’t want her to think they were just words I was using in a desperate attempt to make her stay. She needed to believe them. I also was scared enough of this feeling of love, and that I hadn’t felt in so long, if ever, that her rejecting me would probably ruin me. So I kept quiet, just studying her face. Her beautiful face.
“Fine,” she said softly.
“What?” I asked, my disbelief making me think I heard her incorrectly.
“I’ll stay.”
She reached over and slid her resignation letter off my desk and folded it up before placing it in her purse. She could have ripped it up, but I felt that she wanted me to know that leaving was still an option. I nodded in understanding.
“Thank you,” I said, letting out a breath.
“It’s not for you,” she said. “At least, not the you I thought I knew. I’m staying because youdoneed me as your assistant. I don’t know what’s going on with you lately. I’ve also become pretty good at this job.”
“You have.” I laughed softly, knowing she was right.
She gave me a tight-lipped smile before walking out the door. Thankfully, not for the last time. But I knew I was on borrowed time. I had hurt her too much for her to actually stay here long-term. I knew she was doing me a favor to keep things running smoothly. Not because she cared about me, but because it was her job. She made it clear that line was no longer blurred.
I couldn’t risk losing her again. I picked up my phone from my desk and called the one person who would understand. The one person who knew our secret.
“Hello?” answered Erica.
“Hey, sis,” I said, straining to hear her through the noise on her end of the phone. “Bad time?”
“Oh, we’re just trying to get these ancient machines working, so we can get this damn paper out to the unwilling readers of New York.” I heard her banging on something that was most likely a printer.
“Sounds like it’s going really well over there.”
“Oh, just swell,” she said sarcastically. “Now, what’s up?”
“Can you meet for lunch?”
“What? Today?”
“Yes. Now.”