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I offered a weak smile, which she did not return. God, I felt like an idiot.
“Mhmm. Will that be all?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
She turned on her heel and closed the door gently behind her. Another way to shut me out because I usually always left my door open.
The following weeks were more of the same. I had stopped giving her daily tasks that would keep her out of the office. She was back to being by my side for most every meeting and business call. Still, she may as well have been across town with how distant she was. It was starting to be more and more painful being close to her, knowing I couldn’t have her.
And I didn’t simply want her because I missed the sex. I missed the way she would look at me. The thrill I would feel run up my spine to find her eyes on me, stealing glances throughout the day when no one was looking. I missed talking to her over lunch, which she now took in the breakroom. I missed her laugh and the small talk we had in the late evenings in my bed, surrounded by the twinkling lights of the city.
It wasn’t until I lost her that I realized how much I needed her. But wasn’t that how it always went?
I wondered if there would be enough time that would make me forget everything we had shared the past few months, even if she served as a constant reminder. It was doubtful.
When I wasn’t with her, the only way I could try to forget her was getting drunk. I spent most nights out at the bars or at the clubs with colleagues I didn’t really like, just so I wouldn’t feel so alone. That included Jeremy, who ran in the same circle. I was desperate enough to put up with him, and that was saying something.
“What brings you out tonight?” asked Jeremy over the loud music of the club. A smirk was on his face as he loosened his tie from across the booth, a girl on each arm. I wondered how they could stomach him.
“Work has been stressful,” I said.
“Riiight,” he said sarcastically.
I raised an eyebrow in question.
“What?” he asked innocently. “You’re not exactly known for your work ethic.”
I rolled my eyes and finished the last sip of the cold whiskey that clinked in my glass.
“I’m going to get another drink,” I said, happy for an excuse to get away from Jeremy. The other guys were fine, but I had already forgotten their names and had no desire to learn them again.
I stood from my seat and pushed through the crowd to find a spot at the bar, which was surrounded by other men in suits and women vying for their attention in too-short dresses while slowly batting their lashes to snag a drink and a date for the night. I held my hand up for the bartender who was dressed in a corset and tiny shorts. Despite the busyness of the bar, she came over immediately.
“What can I get you, handsome?” she asked, leaning over the bar casually.
“I’ll take another one of these. Top shelf, please.” I said, holding up my glass.
“Coming right up.”
She turned and reached up to grab a bottle of amber liquid, her shorts riding up to reveal the fleshy cheeks that peeked out. My eyes stayed ahead, ignoring the invitation to look. I was already bored of her. A moment later, she slid over a fresh glass of whiskey filled with a large ice cube.
“Anything else I can get you?” she asked, biting her lip as she ignored the others holding up their hands.
My eyes fell to her lips, but I didn’t see anything but Monica. One of the many things she did that drove me crazy in the best way. I knew I could easily ask for her number, or wait for her to get off work in the early morning hours to invite her to my place. Hell, I could probably pay her to leave right now. Maybe a distraction would be nice.
I thought about it for a moment, breathing in the vanilla perfume the bartender wore. It wasn’t the jasmine scent I had come to love. Having anything else in my bed to linger on my sheets would feel wrong. Anyone else but Monica would feel wrong.
“I’m good. Thanks,” I replied, taking my drink and tossing a fifty on the counter.
I turned my back and started walking to the booth, which was now filled with more women who had taken my empty space. It wasn’t like I wanted to be there anyway. I finished my drink in two large gulps and set it on a nearby high-top table. I avoided the dance floor as I made my way toward the exit. My eyes felt heavy and my mind felt blurry. The perfect combination for a deep, dreamless sleep. Something I tried to achieve each night to avoid flashbacks of Monica’s lips and creamy skin, until I had to see her again and be reminded of the things I could no longer touch.
Chapter 29
Monica
Aknock sounded at my apartment door. It was nearly 10 p.m. I felt my heart drop to my stomach as I tiptoed to the door in my flannel pajamas and looked out the peephole. I breathed a sigh of relief as I saw Heart standing on the other side.
“I know you’re in there. Let me in,” she said through the door.