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Then it hit me. She sat right across from me. The realization in the form of a woman.
Monica had come into my life at a time I never even knew I needed it. When I met her at the bar that fateful night, I didn’t know that it would lead to what it did. Yes, I had every intention of taking her home, but I didn’t know that it would turn into what it did. I didn’t even think I would see her again. Then she walked in here, in this very building, and turned my world upside down.
I thought I had been happy before her. I thought that this was all that life had to offer. Work, money, sex. I was content with that. I didn’t think I would want more than that, until I had it.
Monica had been a bright spot in my life, casting her warm glow on everything she touched. I had been too stupid to see that. Too stupid to let her know it. Too stupid to shout it from the rooftops because I thought it would jeopardize this job that I realized now I didn’t really want. Scared of what my father might say or think.
I lost her because of it. And now, without her, my life felt dark. I was now able to see the mess for what it was. I wasn’t happy before. Not truly. I was getting by on things that held temporary happiness. Signing a new client. Making another million. Taking a woman home just because I could. It all seemed so trivial now.
I felt like I was suffocating in that conference room, even though it could easily fill twenty people. I clutched at the tie around my neck, trying to loosen it.
“You’ll have to excuse me,” I said, standing from my seat.
Mr. Belleview looked unimpressed. Kathy looked at me like I had just committed a crime, while Monica looked at me with concern in her eyes. Did she still care? I wouldn’t even let myself entertain the idea as I walked out of the room. I headed toward the elevators and rode down to the expansive lobby. The large portrait of my father and me loomed above me.
Rushing out to the sidewalk, I sucked in a deep breath. I put my hands on my knees and tried to gather myself. I had just walked out of a meeting that was one of the biggest ones of the quarter. Hell, the year. I knew my father would hear about this, but I couldn’t will myself to go back up there.
Instead, I walked down the block to the coffee shop. The young barista greeted me with his usual enthusiasm.
“Mr. Gunner. Long time no see,” he said.
“Please, call me Troy,” I said as I studied the menu.
“Can I make you your usual?”
“How about you surprise me today?” I replied.
His eyebrows rose and he looked excited. “Yes. Sure thing.”
He began busying himself with the espresso machine.
“How is school?” I asked.
“It’s good. Almost there. I can see the finish line.”
“What are you studying?”
“Education,” he said before quickly adding, “I know it’s not as impressive as what you do. It probably won’t pay the bills. Or the debt I’ve racked up…”
“It’s a worthy choice,” I said, soothing his insecurities.
“Really?” he asked, giving me a questioning look as he worked the milk frother.
“Really.”
“It’s what I’ve always wanted to do. I had a teacher when I was young who changed my way of thinking. I want to do that for someone too.”
“Wow,” I said, genuinely impressed.
He waved me off as he poured the foam over the latte, the smell of nutmeg and cinnamon wafting toward me. “It’s nothing.”
“It’s not nothing. That passion is something I admire. Something not a lot of people have because they’re so focused on the money.”
“Well, the money is probably nice to have.” He shrugged as he passed me my coffee.
“It’s not everything,” I said. “Remember that. Even when you start to doubt why you chose teaching. Don’t ever forget your why.”
“And what’syourwhy, Mr. Gunner?”