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The words just tumbled out of me. I couldn’t hold them in any longer. I couldn’t watch him crumble any more in front of me.
He pulled his head slowly from his hands and looked up at me, his eyes searching mine as if to understand he had heard me correctly.
“Pregnant?” he asked slowly, as if he was trying out a new word.
I nodded. “Three months.”
“Did you…”
“No, I was just as shocked as you are.”
“Is it…”
“The baby is fine. They did multiple tests.”
I reached behind me and my fingers felt for the glossy photo under the pillow. I pulled it out and showed it to him. His eyes fell from me to the photo, but I couldn’t get a read on what he was thinking. I knew it was a lot to process, but Troy had practically gone catatonic. When I realized he wasn’t reaching for the photo, I let it fall to my lap.
“I know this wasn’t what you were expecting…” I said softly, trying not to focus on my heart that felt like it was in his hands and at the risk of being dropped. “It wasn’t what I was expecting either.”
He remained quiet, and a creeping panic began to set in.
“I understand if this isn’t what you wanted,” I whispered. “I don’t want you to feel trapped…”
He avoided my gaze and stood up from the hospital bed slowly.
“Troy…” I started.
“I need some air,” he said, turning toward the door.
I watched him slip out of it in a trancelike state, leaving me alone in the room, completely in disbelief. A sob escaped me as I picked up the photo and clutched it to me. I rocked myself and the baby, as if trying to comfort us both.
The man I loved, and thought I knew, had just walked out on me when I needed him most. I understood he was in shock, but so was I. I had just received the same news he had. I wasn’t walking out, though. I didn’t have that option. Our baby was growing insideme. Alongside it were fear, confusion, and sadness that filled me.
In the last half hour, I hadn’t even had time to envision what our life would look like as parents, but now images of Troy rocking the baby to sleep and singing lullabies floated in my head. I didn’t know whether to smile or cry at the images of him as a father. Deep down, I knew he would be amazing at it. I just didn’t think thatheknew that. The images I had of him floating in my mind now popped like bubbles, leaving me empty.
There was a knock at the door and I looked up to see Erica standing in the doorway. I didn’t know she was even here. I gave her a confused look.
“How did you…”
“I’m guessing Troy didn’t tell you that you were on the news…”
I shook my head.
“I came as soon as I saw.”
I could tell she was holding back tears, so I held out my hand to her.
She rushed over and pulled me in for a hug. “Are you okay?” she asked, her voice shaky.
I didn’t know how to answer that question. I was far from okay, and it had nothing to do with my concussion or the pain that pulsed in my body. I couldn’t answer her as the tears streamed down my face. Erica didn’t ask any more questions. She sat there and held me in silence on the hospital bed, not knowing her brother had just broken my heart, and it was a worse feeling than anything I had endured today.
Chapter 56
Troy
Pregnant. The word whispered in my ear over and over, like a song on loop, as I rode in the elevator down to the lobby of the hospital. I knew it was wrong to leave Monica right now, after everything she had been through, but especially after she told me she was pregnant with our baby. I just didn’t know how to stay in that room as the walls felt like they were closing in on me, making it difficult to breathe or think.
I bumped into Erica on my way out, but offered no explanation as to why I was leaving. The words couldn’t be formed in my head to make their way out of my mouth, so I continued walking until I was safely in the elevator being pulled away from the life I didn’t know if I would ever figure out.