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Out on the curb, I hesitated before hailing a cab, knowing full well it was the wrong choice. I saw the hurt in Monica’s eyes as I slowly backed away from her, from our baby. How much more of an asshole could I be? But the truth was, I didn’t have control over my body at that moment. It moved on its own, paralyzed by fear. I looked up at the hospital, the glass windows staring down at me like judgmental eyes. I shook my head and stuck my hand out for a cab.
A yellow car pulled up promptly and I slid inside.
“Go,” I said numbly.
“Go where?” asked the driver.
That was a great question, when I was leaving everything I loved behind here. I gave him the address for my office. I didn’t know why, but it’s the first thing I blurted out. As the cab pulled away from the curb, I leaned my head against the backseat and tried to remedy the pounding in my head. It was as if all of the adrenaline from the day had worn off and now I was left with the thoughts I needed to sort through.
Veronica. Arrested and insane.
Monica. Concussed and pregnant with my baby.
Me. Completely lost in life and about to become a dad.
That about summed it up.
I sighed heavily and closed my eyes, but all I saw in the darkness was the image of our baby. I saw the head and the arms and the legs. It was a real human, growing inside of Monica. It didn’t even seem real, and to know that it had equal parts of me and her inside it was enough to make me bite back tears. I was terrified to screw it all up.
A baby was not on my radar. It was something I had never thought about. It never came up between Veronica and me, and thank God it hadn’t, knowing how that story ended. I never saw myself as a father. Probably because I had such a poor one myself. I didn’t think I would be any good at it because I didn’t have one to look up to, so I never gave it a second thought. I figured I would lead a bachelor life forever, focusing on business and only needing a woman to fulfill the primal need when it arose.
But then Monica came along, and everything I had expected for my life went out the window. But a baby…that was big. Forever life-altering.
The cab slowed to a stop outside my office building. I paid the driver and climbed out of the car, staring up at the dark concrete building that loomed before me. There was very little light coming from the windows. Everyone had gone home for the evening. I was thankful for the solitude.
I walked through the large glass doors and past the security guard, a different one from this morning. He eyed me curiously as I passed, probably holding back the questions he so badly wanted to ask after seeing everything that played out on the news today. I loosened my tie that felt like it was suffocating me and kept walking toward the elevator.
The floor of my office was empty and the lights dim. The cleaning crew wouldn’t be here for another few hours, which meant I could sit in the quiet and think. I entered my office, not bothering to turn on the lights, and sat down at my desk. I removed my tie and slid off my jacket as exhaustion slammed into me. I should have just gone home to sleep it off.
I saw Monica’s desk just through the door and could almost picture her sitting there typing on her computer. I realized I missed her and felt like a coward for how I had reacted when she had told me about the baby. She had just found out herself. I’m sure she was just as terrified as I was.
How could I face her again after what I had just done to her? She probably hated me for leaving her when she needed me the most. I hated myself for it, but my brain needed time to process everything. It needed to catch up after all that had happened in the past several hours.
I heard footsteps approaching down the hall, coming in my direction. They were heavy on the marble floors, and I wondered who was here after hours.
“Troy!” I heard the familiar bark of my father’s voice breaking the silence. “Where the hell are you?”
I grimaced. The last thing I needed was to see my father right now. I stayed quiet in the darkness of my office, hoping he would walk past me.
“I know you’re in here. Security saw you come up.”
The light above me turned on, making me blink a few times against the harsh fluorescent cast that filled my office. Then I saw my father standing in the doorway, his face red and his eyes dancing wildly.
“What the hell are you doing?” he asked.
“Just needed to think.”
“Think? Ha! What a luxury to leave the retreat early tothink,” he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
“A lot happened today, Dad…”
“Oh? You think I don’t know?” He began pacing my office. “After you left the retreat, embarrassing me and my reputation, I got a call that my helicopter was chartered out. Next thing I knew, I saw it on the news in a goddamn police chase. What were you thinking?”
“I was—”
“I’m not finished,” my father snapped. “Now they’re saying you were romantically involved with that assistant of yours. Is that true?”
I looked up at him and only saw anger in his eyes. There was not a ripple of worry or concern about what I had gone through today. The only thing he cared about was his reputation. He was so damn selfish and self-absorbed. Something in me snapped.