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I wanted to pull him into my lap and wrap around him so no one could ever, ever hurt him again. Instead, I pressed my fingers harder to his cheek and dragged my thumb through the wetness on his skin. “Youweregoing to say it, weren’t you?”
He glanced away, nodding. “I’ve felt it for a while, but, uh…I didn’t want to scare you off.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“You were.” It was an accusation, and he wasn’t wrong.
I was afraid for him, and I was afraid to let anyone close to me again. But I realized that I’d trusted him for a long while now.
“I was, yeah. You know how that trauma can sit on your chest and make it hard to breathe. But I’m not afraid of us. Not anymore.”
He took a deep breath, then leaned back. “I feel like I should let you get dressed.”
Glancing down, I realized that I was still stark fucking naked and probably about to piss in my chair. I looked back at him, then burst into laughter. “God, this is embarrassing. Can you get me some clothes?”
“I get to pick?” he asked, eyes alight.
I snorted. “Yes, my darling. You get to pick.”
We didn’t say much as I got ready. While I put in my new catheter and got dressed, Aleric hopped in the shower, and it wasn’t until we were at my little breakfast nook that we broke the silence with anything besides pointless small talk.
“I didn’t say it back.”
I glanced up from my bowl of oatmeal. “Say what?”
“I love you,” he said. My entire body shuddered at the sound of those three words. I watched him swallow heavily—the way it made his Adam’s apple bob. He cleared his throat. “Because I do. I’m in love with you too. You know that, right?”
“I know.”
He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“You’re not telling me something.”
He let out a small breath, glancing toward the window. I had a view of the courtyard, which was now a glorified parking lot. There used to be gardens, but the upkeep was costing the taxpayers money, and it was worth not to have some glorified lawn that served no purpose besides taking up water.
But I missed the green sometimes.
“Promise me you won’t freak out,” he said.
I raised a brow. “That feels like a guarantee Iwillfreak out.”
He didn’t argue, which set me on edge. Licking his lips, he reached for a napkin and began to twist it in his fingers. “I’m about eighty percent sure Christoph has been in contact with Hugo. And I know that he contacted Otis to offer insight into his relationship with you. Otis told me about it right after we wrapped for the night.”
I probably should have freaked out, except I knew. Deep down, I knew there was no way Hugo hadn’t come forward oncehe realized they were making a TV show about me. I was mostly surprised he hadn’t gone to the press yet.
“I think I want to quit after season two,” Aleric said.
Now,thatshocked me. I dropped my spoon. “Aleric?—”
“I can’t do this if they’re going to bring Raul in as your main love interest. And it’s going to get really fucking weird and meta if we go public with our relationship. Also…” He trailed off, and something in his face looked terrified.
My heart began to beat a little too fast in my chest. “Talk to me.”
“I have some offers…um. I still have to officially audition, but the parts are pretty much guaranteed. A couple of feature films and one recurring character on a TV show that’s been on for three seasons and has been renewed for another two.”
“That’s great. That’s…” I froze. It wasn’t here, was it? In Caverna. It was somewhere else. Somewhere across the ocean. “The US?”
He looked down at his hands. “I’m never going to escape my reputation here. I’m never going to be left alone or allowed to show everyone who I am. If I want to make something of myself in this industry?—”