Page 44

I couldn’t help it. I reached for him, my hand cradling his jaw. I felt him lean back and then lean in. The moment of silence between us stretched on for an eternity. “You don’t have to be everyone’s hero. Just be your own.”
He nuzzled against my palm. “Easier said than done.”
“I know.” And I did. Too well. “His real name is Hugo. Raul’s. He wasn’t tall or attractive. It wasn’t love at first sight. He just knew what I was afraid of, and knowing he had physicalpower over me turned him on as much as my disabled body did.”
Aleric sucked in a small breath, then let it out slowly. “Why didn’t you fight to make the scene with Raul more realistic? It’s…tender. I read the script, Camillo. It’s alovescene.”
I stared at where my skin pressed against his—the way my palm seemed to fit the curve of his jaw almost perfectly. My thumb felt heavy as it stroked a line under his eye, and his lashes fluttered downward. “Because I don’t want any part of Hugo getting his fifteen minutes of fame. And…and I wanted to let the studio reclaim that moment for me. I wanted some version of me to have the first and second time that I deserve. Even if it’s you that gets to create it.”
Aleric’s tongue—dark pink and wet—ran over his bottom lip. “Will you show me how I can make it the way you need people to see it?”
My core heated. “What are you asking me?” I didn’t really need to say those words. I knew what he was asking me, and every atom in my body was screaming yes while logic was telling me I would be breaking all my rules.
“Will anyone come up here looking for you?”
Glancing over at the door, I could see the dead bolt was set. Had I done that? Had Aleric?
“No.”
“You can tell me no if this is too much,” Aleric said. He shifted closer, pressing harder into my touch. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I never learned how to do this kindly.”
My lungs felt tight, like it didn’t want to release any air. “I don’t need kind, but I think you do.”
He laughed, and the sound was thick and heavy and so fucking sad. “I don’t think that’s my destiny, you know? I don’t inspire kindness in people.”
He was wrong. He did. But it was hard to see that when he was surrounded by monsters at every turn.
I reached for him again, pulling him close. Our foreheads knocked together. “I don’t like you.”
He laughed softly. “I know. You’re not my most favorite person in the world some days.”
But what about the other days where he could stand me a little bit?
I didn’t ask. The truth was, I was lying. I did like him, but I needed a little while longer to be dishonest with myself because this—this thing I wanted so fucking desperately—it couldn’t happen.
But I was straddling a line, and I already knew I was going to cross it again.
And then I cracked. “Let me show you what it’s like.”
Aleric took a deep breath, then eased back and met my gaze. “You just opened up about something horrific, Camillo. We don’t need to do this. Not right now.”
“What happened with Hugo hasn’t controlled my desire to be touched in a long, long while,” I told him. That much was true. Therapy had helped—and so had allowing myself to become vulnerable with other people. No one else had been like Hugo. I’d learned to spot men like him in crowds before they were able to get near me. “That part might have shaped who I am because trauma always does, but it doesn’t define me. Or what I want.”
“And you want me?” he asked with a scoff.
I traced a finger along his sharp jaw. “You have to know you’re beautiful.”
He winced like I’d insulted him, and it took me a second to realize why. “I know I am. I always have been.”
“You’re infuriating,” I added, and he blinked in surprise. I smiled. “You’re thoughtless and careless, and you hurt people,but you’re also so incredibly aware of it when it happens, and you always try to make yourself better when you fuck up.”
He licked his lips. “I?—”
“You’ve worked your ass off, and I know you don’t think anyone’s noticed, Aleric, but I have.”
His cheeks were painted red, and his mouth opened and shut like he couldn’t find words. I knew this was his weakness—not just doing his best but being told. And I wanted to bring him to his knees with it.
“You aregood.”