Page 109 of Riding the Sugar High

I scoot closer, then wrap my arms around his shoulders and pull him into a tight hug. We sit in silence, the leaves of the trees around us rustling. The buzzing of crickets grows louder, almost deafening. The world moves forward as if nothing’s happened, while Logan loses everything.

And there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

His forehead falls against my shoulder, and I press a hand to his back. If I could only scoop up some of his pain, some of the toxic black sludge in his soul, and throw it off this hill. If I could comfort or reassure him or know what magic words would fix this.

“I don’t know what I am anymore,” he whispers, and his words are so charged with anguish that my nose and eyes sting. “This is all I know how to do. All I’ve ever done. Who am I without the farm?”

“You’re more than your farm, Logan,” I whisper back. I try to break away from the hug to look at his face, but he strengthens his hold. “You’re so caring, empathetic, and selfless that you’d give up something important to you to ensure everyone else is safe and sound.”

“I’ll never see any of them again.”

“What?” I pull him even closer. “Of course you will. Your friends and co-workers won’t ghost you because of this. They all love you, they?—”

“The animals. I’ll never see Paco and Lola again. Never see Tessa and Penelope and...” His voice is softer than a whisper. “I’ll never see any of them again.”

God, I can’t breathe, the pain crushing my lungs and robbing them of any space for oxygen. He’s hurting. I can’t even pretend to understand how much, but I can see it, feel it.

“Please, give me a chance to help you fix it.”

He straightens, clearing his throat as if that’s also going to shake the pain away, then stares at the ground with a cold look. “I’m out of time, Primrose. You’re leaving in five days. It’s done.”

“But you haven’t signed the documents yet, and the Kyle’s picture performed so well—seven calls in one day! If we continue like this?—”

“It’s not enough.”

“But it could be,” I insist, rising to my knees. “We could try new things, and?—”

His hand squeezes mine. “Barbie.”

My heart beats frantically against my ribcage. There must be something that could buy us time, some way I could convince him not to sell. “What if...I’ll lend you some money.”

His brows scrunch. “What? Absolutely not.”

“It’s fine,” I rush to say. “I havesomesavings. And my parents—I could ask?—”

He lets my hand go, and squaring his shoulders, he glares. “This is not why I told you any of this.” He stands, then brushes his hands together. “And there isn’t a chance in the world I’m going to accept money from you. Let alone get you into debt with your family.”

I stand too, rushing after him when he walks to the bike. “But it wouldn’t be a big deal. You’d pay me back. All we need is some time to?—”

“No, Barbie.”

“We could try other things, then. The farmer’s market went well, and you got a permanent spot, and?—”

He breathes out, leaning against the bike with both hands. “Barbie.”

“Your brother—he offered you money. We could...”

He holds out the helmet, but I cross my arms, and with a sigh, he lowers it.

“Don’t push me away, Logan.”

“This has nothing to do with pushing you away.”

Doesn’t it, though? I know for a fact that Kyle and Simon offered to stop cashing their checks for a while. I’ve seen him refuse his brother's help, and he doesn’t want me to promote him—nor will he take my money. Heispushing everyone away. “There’s nothing wrong in accepting help, Logan.”

“God—I said I don’t want to talk about it, Barbie.”

“Well, tough luck.” I step closer, pushing my chin up in challenge. “Wearetalking about it.”