Page 98 of Ride Me Cowboy

I grind my teeth, refusing to say what I’m thinking about that asshole, and the things he did to her.

“Even then.”

Caleb considers that. “I still don’t buy it, Cole.”

“You think I’m lyin’ to you?”

“I don’t think you know how to lie, except maybe to yourself.”

The sense of being in freefall comes back to me.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Caleb’s sigh is heavy. “I know what losing him did to you.”

I narrow my gaze.

“You worshipped your old man. Hell, we all did. He’s left a huge hole in all our lives, but yours, I reckon, most of all. You were never great at letting people in, but since him, you’ve been distant, like you’re just going through the motions. And then,there was Beth. Now that I think about it, that’s when I noticed a change.”

“What change?” I ask, gruff. I partly want to walk away from this conversation and partly want to hear it out—like watching a car crash.

“You just seem more content within yourself. More settled. Like a mustang that’s been broken in.”

I snort at that idea. “You’re imagining it.”

“Nah, I don’t think so.”

I collect our empty bottles and take them to the sink.

“Fine; I like Beth, okay? Who wouldn’t like her? She’s great. But neither of us wants anything serious out of this. She’s here for a few more weeks, and then I’ll probably never see her again.”

“And that’s okay with you?”

I hesitate for the briefest of seconds before saying, “Yeah, of course.” And it turns out, Caleb was wrong, because I know it in my gut that was a lie, right there. I’m going to miss Beth in a way I don’t think I can put into words, but that, it and of itself, scares the shit out of me.

I know what it’s like to love and to lose, and all I can think is that I’m glad she’s going when she is, because if Beth were to stay on the Ranch a day longer than we’ve agreed, I don’t know if I’d have much say in whether I loved her or not, and the fear of losing her would probably be the end of me.

I turn to go but catch a glimpse of something moving beyond the kitchen window, and on the drive, see Elsie storming toward the house, her face looking grim.

Beth

“Elsie, wait!” I shout, running after her. It’s a hot afternoon, but she’s striding ahead of me anyhow, stalking toward the house like her life depends on it. I see a glint of red and presume it’s her rental.

“What for?” she calls over her shoulder, without slowing down.

Oh, for god’s sake. I start to run, even though it’s hotter than the surface of the sun and I’m not wearing the best shoes for it, but that doesn’t matter. I don’t want her to leave like this.

“Would you just give me a damn second? You came all this way, just at least hear me out.”

“I came all this way to check in on you,” she says, finally stopping and turning to face me. She squints into the brightness of the sun, but holds her ground. “Because I thought you were probably all alone out here, nursing a broken heart. Stupid me, to think you were still upset over something so minor as your husband being in a fatal accident.”

I flinch at her intentionally hurtful tone. I made a conscious decision to spare her the pain of ever knowing the truth about Christopher, but I can still be more honest with her than this.

“He was my husband, Els, and at one time, I loved him. But it’s been a long time since I felt that for Christopher.”

Her skin pales and she stares at me, her mouth gaping, moving, in an awful, silent way, then she lifts shaking fingers and presses them to her lips. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “But that’s the truth. We weren’t in love anymore.”