Page 17 of Ride Me Cowboy

“I’m okay,” I say, adopting a similar tone: the one people expect me to use. Because, grief.

“Oh, honey. We miss you.”

‘We’ means Christopher’s family. His parents, Elsie, her boyfriend Chip, their cousins. I shake my head, pressing my lips together, my lungs burning as though a ton of cement has been pressed onto my chest. Down the street a little way, a car pulls into the curb, and I see a familiar pair step out—Beau and Austin.

I watch as they stride through a set of timber doors, and glance upwards to read ‘The Silver Spur Tavern’. My pulse kicks up a gear, remembering Cole’s invitation. Is he in there already? A quick scan of the street doesn’t show his pickup.

“Do you think you’re up to joining us for dinner over the weekend?”

I frown, shaking my head a little. “Actually, I’m not home right now.”

“Oh?”

“I needed to get away, Els.” That much, at least, is true.

“Oh, honey. Did you go to the Hamptons house?”

I look around and contemplate lying. This is, after all, my bolt hole. But at the same time, Elsie is probably the only part of my real world that I really care about, that I really miss, even though it’s complicated by everything that happened between Christopher and me—all the secrets I kept because I was protecting him, and scared to death of what would happen if I told anyone the truth, and they didn’t believe me.

“Actually, I’m in a tiny town in Northern Arizona,” I say, a small smile tilting my lips at the unexpectedness of it all. More than that, it’s the agency I’ve shown by coming here. For the first time in years, I made a decision on my own, for myself, without consulting anyone. Without asking for permission.

“What? You can’t be serious.”

“I just…needed to not be there,” I say, honest again.

“I get that. But Arizona? I mean, it’s so far. And so…different.”

I laugh. “Yeah, you’re right about that.”

“What the hell are you doing out there?”

“I took a job.”

“A what?”

I roll my eyes. “I know. Incomprehensible. How dare I actuallywork?”

“I didn’t mean that. It’s just…you’ve just lost your husband and you’re still mourning him. How can you be working?”

“It’s a good distraction.”

“You don’t need the money.”

“No, but I do need to be busy. Ilikebeing busy,” I say.

“God, Christopher would have hated that,” Elsie says, her voice trembling a little at the emotions that are flooding through her. “He always wanted to take care of you, you know, Beth. It was his mission in life, from that first night you guys met. I remember him saying to me, ‘I’m never gonna let her go’.”She sobs. I shudder.

What might sound sweetly romantic to someone who didn’t know Christopher like I knew Christopher reaches my ears and lands as I think he intended it: a threat.

And a promise.

“It’s just a three-month contract,” I say, voice soft. “I’ll be back in the fall.”

She makes a disapproving noise. “But it’s mom’s birthday in four weeks. You have to come. It won’t be the same without you.”

I can’t think of anything worse, but to save that difficult conversation for now, I murmur, “I’ll see what I can do. Let me think about it.”

“We all miss you. We all miss Christopher. You should be here.”