Page 77 of Ride Me Cowboy

“You ready to head back to the house?”

I glance up at Beau, frowning. “I guess.”

“I’ll take Canyon then come and get you.” He glances back at me as he rides away and calls, “But you really oughta be able to ride a horse by now, you know.”

That’s true. This would be simpler if I could. Instead, Beau drove us out here in his truck, dropped me off, then drove to the stables to get Canyon. If I knew how to ride, I could just have jumped on a horse at the same time.

My blood thickens as I remember the way it had felt to ride a horsewithCole, to have his arms around me, his legs at my side. To feel all of him, and to know I was just exactly where I wanted to be.

While Beau’s gone, I take some extra footage, doing a slow pan of the creek, the dry plains far beyond it, then slowly circle back to the house. It’s up on the hill, with that big old tree right in the middle. My hand trembles a little as I focus in on it, wondering if Cole’s there, in his office. Or if he’s out here, somewhere. I look around, like maybe I can conjure him up out of nowhere.

So much for running away.

Even when I put some physical distance between Cole and me, he’s everywhere. In the soft summer breeze, the land at my feet, the water rushing behind me, and most of all, in my mind, seeping into all the parts of me. Maybe fighting that is futile. Maybe I just have to accept it, and cling to the knowledge that no matter what, I’m leaving this place when Reagan comes back, and then, I’ll never see him again.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Beth

IDON’T EAT DINNER WITH the family, even though that’s become part of my habit now. I trust Mackenzie but at the same time, I don’t feel like I can sit across from her and pretend like nothing’s going on with Cole and me now she’s caught us in the act.

Instead, I grab a sandwich and take it to the office, where I start editing the video together. I did a few subjects in film at college, and always loved this side of things. I find a royalty free website and download a great country track.

Hours pass in the blink of an eye, and when my phone starts to ring, I jump clear out of my skin from the surprise of it, because I’m so utterly engrossed in what I’m doing.

Elsie’s face fills the screen.

Crap. I want to avoid the call, but having already ignored her text, I figure I can’t really dodge her call, too.

I swipe it to answer and click on the speaker phone, as I glance around to make sure the door to the office is shut.

“Hey, Elsie.”

“Did you get my text?”

I grimace. Straight to it. “Yeah, I did.”

“Oh, okay. I just…didn’t hear back from you.”

I close my eyes on a wave of irritation, quickly followed by a tide of guilt. Where my feelings toward Christopher are straight up angry, Elsie’s are not. He was her big brother, and she loved him unreservedly. She’s the one who’s in mourning, and she’s missing me, the woman she thinks she shares that with.

“No, I know, I’m sorry. The thing is, Els,” I search for something to say, and draw a blank. “I can’t make it.”

Silence falls, and I imagine her computing that. I really like Elsie, but she has been doted on and indulged since the day she was born. ‘No’ is not a word she particularly likes to hear.

“I want to,” I lie. “But I’ve just started this job—I can’t get away.”

“Come on, Beth. It’s not like you need to work. Just quit. Come home. We miss you.”

Home. My eyes land on the starlit sky beyond my window, the dark mountains with their flat tops, the big stone boulders that form a boundary to the drive on one side. If it were daylight, I’d be able to see the roses, too, resplendent in their pastel beauty, sweetly fragrant.

“I do need to work,” I say, quietly, but with determination.

“You’re worth a fortune,” she sniffs. “Christopher would hate to think of you being bossed around by anyone.”

“I’m not being bossed around,” I deny flatly.

“You know what I mean.”