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The forest surrounds me. Moonlight shines through the spindly, leafless branches reaching toward the sky like an exalting congregation. A haze drifts through, and I'm hit by the smell of burning fuel and ordnance. Then I see the flames through the trees.

God, not this.

Adrenaline floods my body and my heart is pounding a mile a minute. My entire being wants to flee from the suffocating guilt overcoming me. The worst moment of my life.

And then, a cold, dry whisper echoes all around me.They're going to know what you did. They will all know what you really are.

The forest seems to open up to swallow me whole. It's inviting me in. It's telling me that all I need to do is give in to it, and I canescape the torture of my disgrace and weakness. All I have to do is let go.

But I've been down this path before. Something pushes me to turn away from it and move toward the destruction that had been our defensive line. The groans and screams of dying men suddenly go quiet as I enter the burning rubble. There's nothing, no sound except for the heavy thudding of my heart. Lying straight ahead of me are the remains of my trench, now turned into a crater of gnarled tree roots and hunks of smoking metal. A tattered piece of the camo tarp we'd used as rain cover still hangs loosely over the depression in the ground.

Clarke is in there.

It's your fault he's dead,I hear the voice say.

But I know this isn't true. I would've died alongside him had I not followed McScott.

Then you should die.

All I want is to tell him I'm sorry. I want to tell both of them I'm sorry. I abandoned them, just like I abandoned everyone else who meant something to me. I reach for the tarp. I know what's beneath there is terrible, but I have to see.

Anger surges up from somewhere both within and around me. Fury at being disobeyed. It wants to know why I won't give in. I just ignore it.

And then I tear back the fabric.

Airos

I run through the field, chasing after the feeling that tugs at my body. I need to find him.

He's gone.

The feeling fades away, but I keep running. I'm not stopping.

It was never your destiny to protect him. You have failed. You have lived a meaningless life pursuing a meaningless mission.

I still can't stop. It doesn't matter if I'm searching blindly in the darkness.

Why? Why do you persist?

Because... I care for him.

Is that all?

The painful yearning in my heart betrays the truth about the way I feel for Jackson. It started as something unremarkable, just a tiny speck of a seed so easy to ignore, that grew into something that has rooted itself deep inside of me and spread ferociously out of control.

It's something I've never felt for anyone else. Not even myself.

Suddenly, the field around me erupts into flames like a furious scream, and vanishes into a swirl of smoke. I'm now standing on the side of a mountain, staring down at a cascade of stone and earth rolling down the mountainside like a hungry beast. Massive boulders tumble through the veils of dust, splintering massive trees as if they were mere saplings. The sound is overwhelming—a deep, primal roar reverberating through my chest. In its path lies a coastal village, twinkling with evening lamplight. My village. More and more of the mountain breaks away, and the lights vanish beneath the unstoppable behemoth. Even the ships anchored in the harbor are decimated as the earth rolls into the sea.

My outstretched hand is trembling violently. I quickly pull it back against my chest where I feel the terrified percussion of my heartbeat. I drop to my knees.

You will never be free of what you did. Guarding him was never your destiny.

The words pierce me like a poisoned knife. I feel their truth. So much of me wants to give in and release myself from this torture.

But the tether holds fast. It won't fray, despite the darkness's frantic gnawing. I'm still connected to him.

If guarding him was never my destiny, then why does it feel like fate is tied to him? Why can't I just let go?