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I promised them we would come back to help them. There has to be something we can do, but I don't know what. It feels like I have nothing I can give, nothing I can contribute. Everything I know relies on tools I don't have here, tools that wouldn't even make a difference in this world. Am I just going to run awayagain?

Niah fixes her eyes on mine, and it feels like she can read my thoughts. There isn't an ounce of fear in her face. She's as cool as a fucking cucumber, and that makes me want to shake the shit out of her.

Unless she has a plan.

"You have a plan," I say.

"The same," she replies. "The Shalkek will cleanse the Shimat. But the question is whether you are prepared to learn how."

"We're ready," Airos and I both say.

She doesn't seem convinced. Ireallywant to shake her.

"Airos?" she asks. "What did you feel when the Shimat emerged? Do you know the source of the poison?"

"It was like a thorn, or a ball of rot, deep inside its heart. Far underground."

"Deep within the Uthur," she says, agreeing with him.

Polluted rivers suddenly come into my head—sewage runoff spewing out of broken pipes into once pristine streams and turning them into stinking, putrid places where animals die and decompose on the banks and in murky pools. Where discarded garbage and human waste swirl around in places where people used to love to swim and play with their kids. Where the water was once clear and drinkable straight from the source, but now is so nasty not even the best filter could make it safe.

Yet another scene I'm way too familiar with. I've seen it across the world. And I've seen it plenty at home, too.

"Then you can reach it," she says. She holds up two fingers on each hand, then touches her hands together. "With the power of two shaman pairs, you can pacify the Shimat and cleanse the rot."

I point at myself and Airos. "You mean, we have to become shaman? How long would that take?"

"Months," she says. "But for you... Tonight."

I know she's dead serious, but I still laugh. "That's crazy. One night?"

"Why do you believe we can do this in one night?" Airos asks.

"Because, you're?—"

"Shalkek," I say. "Right?"

"Then you understand."

"Not at all. Not a fucking clue."

"Can you believe in something you do not understand?" Even though she's asking both of us, it feels as though the question was meant just for me.

There's a hell of a lot I don't understand that I've had to believe in. This world. This fucking baby growing inside of me.

And Airos.

I don't understand the way my body feels when I'm close to him. I don't understand why I can't keep control of all the things I've fought to discipline. It makes me so angry. I don't understand why I haven't learned my lesson yet. I keep fucking doing this to myself.

How can the universe put this man in front of me and expect me to not feel the way I feel, even if I believe I'm capable of finally snuffing out that horrible unwanted part of me that always seems to be creeping just below the surface?

"Just tell me what we have to do," I say. "Whatever it is, we can do it."

Now, Niah smiles. "I hope so."

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JACKSON