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"I punched him in the jaw. I can still see the look on his face. Pure shock. I guess I probably looked the same. And then I ran as fast as I could. I knew why I was there. I knew what I was getting myself into. But I still hit him. I couldn't take the way my body reacted to that kiss. It felt... It felt good."

Those three words feel heavier than all of the sand in the desert. But they're out now, and I'm waiting for the world to suddenly implode on itself. But it doesn't. There's just silence, and an impossible amount of tension gone from my body. I draw in a long, deep breath. Airos still doesn't speak. There's no judgement, contempt, or anything I'd feared. Just stillness on his face as he waits for me to finish.

"I only made it like fifteen feet before the drone hit. It wasn't even a direct hit on our position, but the shockwave turned every tree into a shrapnel. If you weren't dead, you were badly wounded. Except for me and McScott. I didn't stick around for anyone to ask questions about why. I grabbed my bag and ran. No weapons, or anything. I quit being a merc right there. I walked west to the nearest town. But guess what happened? I got fucking lost."

"Is this a habit of yours?"

"Hey, I wasn't thinking straight, alright?" I say.

Again, I'd walked right into an enemy position.

I remember how they appeared out of the forest, rifles trained on me from all sides. I'd hoped that leaving my gear behind would be enough to make me pass as a civilian. It was probably naïve of me to believe it mattered. They certainly didn't care.

"They must've shot me. Because the next thing I knew, I was here."

"Incredible," Airos says, rubbing his chin as he thinks.

There it is. So much that I thought I would never say to anyone, I've now said to him. Shockingly, I don't feel any regret about it. I'm glad I told him.

"I just have one question," he continues.

I brace myself. "Alright..."

"That was the first time you've kissed someone?"

I nearly fall off the edge of the plateau.

"Seriously? That's your question?"

"It's a fair question, no? I'm curious."

"You're too curious, sometimes," I tell him.

"So are you, it seems."

"No, it wasn't my first time kissing someone.Jesus."

"Your first time kissing a man, then?"

"What do you think?" My tone sounds more irritated than I actually am, but it doesn't deter him at all.

"So you truly have never experienced the pleasure of being with a man," he says. It's not as much a question as it is a confirmation of something he's been thinking about.

It feels like he's calling me a virgin nerd.

Because I am a virgin nerd.

Goddammit.

"No shit," I grumble.

Why? You want to show me?

The thought zips through my head, too fast for me to squash. It's like a chain reaction going off—now I'm thinking about that possibility. Fantasizing about it. My heart is picking up. And my dick...

But Airos doesn't offer to fuck me right then and there. What he says still shocks me. "Then you don't know about the source of our phoenix powers."

I look at him, and I almost let slip what happened to me on that sand dune. No, I don't know. But I think I have a damn good idea...