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"The greatest source of our power," he says, "comes from our fire of life and regeneration. It comes from union."

There's a huge lump in my throat. I know my face is red hot again. I can't do a damn thing about it.

"W-what do you mean?"

You know that's exactly what he means.

I guess I just want to hear him say it.

"Pleasure," he says. "Sex."

I look away. "Huh. That's weird," I say, like an embarrassed dumbass teenager trying to pretend he's not interested in the topic. "So you mean, like, sex can recharge our powers?"

He nods. "Faster than anything else can."

"Why didn't you mention this?"

"Would it have mattered?" he asks.

"Hell yeah! If you're telling me that I could just..." I imitate jacking myself off.

"If that worked, I would be at full power by now," he replies with a grin.

"Fuck. Are you serious?"

"No. When would I have had the time?"

"When I came to after fighting those bugs, you looked pretty fuckin' shifty about something. How do I know you weren't choking the chicken?"

"Choking...the chicken?"

"Okay, strangling the phoenix?" I offer.

He laughs. "I was doing none of those things."

"So, it takes two, then?" I say. "To recharge."

"Indeed. It's why phoenix pairs are so powerful."

"To get this straight..."There's nothing straight about this."That means, if you, like...got jacked off, then it would recharge your energy? Hypothetically, and shit."

"Not hypothetical. Fact. Both would be revitalized."

So, all it would take to get our phoenix powers back to normal is for me to reach over there and...

"Choke the chicken," I say to myself. Airos raises an eyebrow.

Even if we are able to make it through this and get back to Azin and Onar, we still will need our powers to be able to face the Shimat. So, what exactly am I willing to do to make that happen?

I can't believe I'm even thinking about this. And why am I assuming that Airos would even want that? BecauseIwant it?

Do I?

No, you don't. Whatever you're feeling is a lie. It isn't real.

It can't be. This tightness in my chest that I feel when I look at him, a feeling I've only ever really known a few times in my life, is so closely paired with feelings of guilt and self-hatred that it puts me in physical pain.

I don't want it to be real. I don't want to find myself running away again, but I can see that void, and it's calling to me.