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Then I feel something that hits me like a brick to the face—movement inside of my belly. It's barely more than a tap, but it completely shifts my world in an instant. This is something I would've expected to freak me out, but there's not a drop of fear or disgust in me, just plain awe. It's like the reality of who I am on Earth and who I am here has suddenly been tuned together and brought into sharp focus. I sit there, holding my stomach, waiting for another sign from the life inside.

"You there?" I ask.

A minute or more goes by, and there's no response. But I know they're there.

"Son of a bitch," I say to myself. "What the hell would Rachyl say about this?"

She would probably be pissed at me for having a kid before her. She always talked about how much she wanted one.

I sigh. I should probably try and make things right with him.

As I glance over my shoulder, I pray that he hasn't left me behind.

He hasn't. He's sitting at the edge of the plateau with his back to me, shoulders slumped, and head tilted up slightly. He's still watching the stars.

Seeing him like that pulls the image from my recurring dream into my mind—a boy sitting high atop some tall tower, watching a dark sea and a sky full of stars.

Alright, you son of a bitch,I tell myself.Just go over to him.

"I once got lost on a patrol," I say, taking a seat beside him. "Led my team around for three hours in the forest. I was relying on cell phone service to figure out where we were. Fucking stupid. All the towers had been destroyed and I didn't have GPS. I know you don't know what the hell any of those words mean."

Airos looks at me. "I assume it's bad."

"I didn't have a map or anything."

"You fool."

"Stumbled right into an enemy position. Somehow, we managed to take it without losing anyone. I probably would've gotten kicked out of the Vanguard if McScott and Clarke hadn't covered for me and said that I'd planned it out all along. They made it seem like I was some rogue hero." I laugh at the memory. "Those dumbasses. That was the first real mission we'd run together. After that, I told myself I would stick by those two no matter what."

"But you couldn't," Airos fills in gently. "Could you?"

I shake my head. "Nope."

He's waiting for me to continue the story. I know what part he wants to hear about. Do I really want to tell him?

What am I afraid of? I'm a world removed from everyone who would judge me, and we're probably going to die out here in this desert anyway.

It's because speaking the words makes it real. And that's too much for me to deal with. I'm judging myself.

"Yeah," I say. "I didn't stick by them. But it wasn't entirely my fault. I would've gone back after the attack, but I never got a chance to. That was the night I ended up here."

"The attack," Airos repeats to himself, as though he's slowly remembering something that had happened to him too. "It was a... 'drone strike.' Clarke was there."

My heart nearly stops and my head fills with a high-pitched whine. Everything swirls around in a bout of vertigo as the moment returns to me, fresh as if it had just happened. I don't need to ask him how he knows.

"I followed McScott into those woods. I knew why, and I still went after him. And if I hadn't?—"

"Then you would've been killed."

It all overwhelms me in an instant. The guilt, the grief, and the anger. I wasn't killed in that explosion because of my stupid, goddamned curiosity. The thing I've been trying to burn out of my existence for my whole life is the thing that saved me.

"Tell me what happened," Airos says.

I hesitate at first, but then I can't stop the story from spilling out.

"McScott, he asked me to join him in the woods. Said to wait a few minutes before following. I knew what he meant. A part of me couldn't believe thathewas saying this to me. There'd always been little hints. But I think I'd denied it up until that point, that he was...like that. And I guess that's why I really wanted to follow him. It wasn't my brain doing the thinking. But when he kissed me, I snapped."

Kiss. It's the first time I've ever acknowledged that moment for what it is. In my mind, I've always framed it as him putting his mouth on me.