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“I look forward to the day that you won’t need to hide who you love. If that’s what you want,” I say as I sit back up with only the slightest of groans.

“You’re so sure that day exists?”

“I have to be. Speaking of which, I need your help to find the rest of my friends.”

My friends. My friends. The rest of them. Every part of that thought is a strange sort of thud in the chest, like my rage kicking in tune. They’re my friends, even Tovi. And I miss them.

Eryn is sitting up as well, hugging his knees and leaning against the headboard, looking so young. Rage churns in my stomach that I’m risking his life even more than I already have.

“How?”

“Are you able to spend time in the gardens without it being out of the ordinary? You could sit out there and quietly say their names—one of them is Gifted with hearing.”

“Oh, that’s cool! But how will they know I’m helping you?”

“Two things. One, be eating an apricot. They’re my favorite fruit, and they?—”

Eryn cuts me off. “Apricots are my favorite too! At least it won’t be weird for me to be eating them.” He beams.

“That’s because they’re the superior fruit,” I declare, and he nods in serious agreement.

“And the second thing?”

“When they approach you, they’ll ask you a question, and you just have to respond, ‘Mama Beryl’. It’s a secret code we already have in place that no one else will understand.”

I give Eryn their names, and he promises to start tomorrow. It’s been long enough that I should head back now. We decide on what we can truthfully say to his father if his personal lie detector is around and agree to meet again in two days.

I stop him before he gets to the door to get my cloak. “Thank you, Eryn. You are truly, incredibly special. You’ll make a great king one day. Please stay safe.” He gives me one quick nod before swinging open his doors, and I return to Tovi.

CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

Tovi is still awake when I return from speaking with Eryn. I start answering her questions as I strip off my cloak to hang on the wall, and without thinking, I take off my nightdress. I Immediately regret it when Tovi sees my bruised ribs.

“Oh Mika. I’ll never be able to make up for the pain I caused you.” She’s not speaking to me but to my ribs, not taking her eyes off the bruises.

I sigh, wrap a blanket around myself, and sit on the couch next to her.

“I don’t forgive easily. I never have. In fact, I can’t remember the last person I forgave for hurting me in any kind of way.”

Tovi is nodding as I’m speaking, chewing the inside of her lip.

“But you must know by now that I've forgiven you. I’ve made sure of it. Both with my words and my actions, but also, you know what I feel, Tovi. I can’t lie about that, can I?”

“No,” she says softly. “But I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”

“Isn’t that for me to decide? Please, Tovi. It’s time to forgive yourself.”

She reaches out for my hand and gives it one squeeze before taking a deep breath. “Tell me everything about tonight.” And so, I do.

Tovi’s favorite part is how disgusted the young prince was by my outfit, especially when he called me old. She was, however, annoyed because I’d forgotten one of the main things I was supposed to talk to the prince about: his father’s violet eyes.

For the next two days, Tovi and I train to get her strength back up. She’s returning to herself more and more, cracking jokes and being a pain in the ass again. Though I still see the dark shadow behind her eyes whenever she catches a glimpse of my ribs.

Over one of our meals, I blurt out, “They’ll forgive you too!” I try to keep it light, but she’s not convinced.

It’s almost time for me to meet the prince again. Time for me to find out if he was able to locate the others. Sitting in the bath, I’m replaying my conversation with Tovi in my head, annoyed that I can’t seem to be tactful or reassure her.

My lamp flickers softly. Eyes wandering, I stare at the cabinet taking up most of one corner in our washroom. With no natural light in here and on the furthest wall from the door, it’s hideous. This thing is monstrous. Both in its gaudy design and size. It’s entirely too fanciful in a washroom, of all places.