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“‘What the fuck’ yourself, Tovi! What were you thinking trying to kill the king?” My incredulous voice rises an octave with the question.

“Sorry to interrupt, but also not. You can shift!” Bitty exclaims.

“I can now. I stole his Gift…I think. He looks just like a pitiful, ordinary man now. I don’t know how any of this works. But we can discuss that later. Right now, we need to get to Eryn, then Riley and Beans, so we can save Lyss and the others.”

“Others…” they both repeat, and I sense the questions coming.

“He was torturing them,” I blurt. “Us. Nulls. Trying to force Gifts to the surface.”

Their eyes look me over, a closer inspection. I spot the moment they see all the new scars under the blood and death that covers me. Tovi goes to speak, concern on her face. But I shake my head, I can’t talk about it yet.

“Eryn will be relieved,” Bitty states, half changing the subject, and I give them an appreciative smile.

“Apparently, the king told him that we had gotten food poisoning—” Tovi rolls her eyes. “—and that you had taken very ill and required significant healer attention. Then refused to answer where you were since you weren’t in the healer’s wing.”

I scoff. What an asshole.

“We all thought you were dead. Again.”

I poke Bitty in the shoulder. “I promise to do my Divine hardest not to be kidnapped again, okay?”

“Sure. We’ll believe that when you can go a whole moon without being kidnapped or thrown in a dungeon,” Tovi tries to joke but immediately frowns at her feet and swallows hard. My heart plummets into my stomach at the same time. One day. One day, we will be able to joke about it. And I look forward to that day.

“What’s the plan now?” Bitty asks before the two of us are lost in our memories.

CHAPTER FIFTY

Bitty reluctantly leaves via the hatch to meet us in Eryn’s room. Then they’ll take Tovi with them to get Riley and Beans and lead them all to the queen’s old courtyard. I describe where the secret passage is behind the tapestry in the king’s rooms, planning to meet in the small canyon before entering the torture caves.

The blood has begun to dry in the short time I've been myself again, so I quickly wash and change my clothes. My own stench makes me feel unwell. We gather up what little belongings we have, and I tuck my knife into my pants. Tovi puts on her cloak, hiding the fact she isn’t wearing the doxy dress that she should be.

Riley. The need to see him, to apologize, to touch him, to smell him. It almost unravels me entirely. Remembering the package from Riley, I run to my bed, rage roaring louder than ever before. With a metallic taste in my mouth, I realize I’m biting the inside of my cheek. Sliding my hands along the sheets, flinging blankets and pillows, I find it exactly as I left it. I’m staring at the package in my hands when Tovi comes in looking for me.

“I didn’t get to open it before he took me,” I say in explanation to Tovi’s baffled look.

I gently unwrap the parcel. Inside is a pile of leather, jewels, metal, and a piece of carved stone. I pick it up as a small, folded letter falls out of the package onto the ground. I’m too distracted by what’s dangling in my hand to care that Tovi has picked up the folded note for me.

It’s a necklace. Thin pieces of leather are woven together, with tiny blue pearls woven in. Two beautiful, handcrafted metal cuffs clasp either side of the pendant. The carved stone pendant looks to be made from white jade. My breath catches when I see it’s a side view of a firecat in stunning detail. The tail is looped around and attached to the leather.

The firecat, which is already beautiful, has two gems inlaid into it: a purple amethyst in the visible eye and a forest green emerald in the shape of a tiny heart in the chest.

“What…” I rasp, throat thick with confusion, as I look up to a bright red Tovi.

Slightly frantic, she thrusts the folded letter into my hand as if it’s on fire. “I shouldn’t have picked this up.”

“What did it…What did you…Is it bad?”

“I’ll tell you if it isn’t obvious when you’ve read it,” she says over her shoulder, leaving the room as if she can’t get away fast enough.

I sit down on my bed because I am having trouble multitasking simple things like standing and breathing. I gently place the necklace over my leg as I unfold the handwritten letter.

Firecat,

I wanted to give this to you in person, but I’ve been too much of a coward, and now I fear it might be too late. I didn’t want to scare you away, and I wasn’t sure how you felt. But after today, I need you to know how I feel. How my world has not been the same since you came crashing into it.

I have been asleep, choosing to waste my life in a waking nightmare. It took one fiery, pain-in-the-ass woman to punch me in the face and wake me up. And then I wanted to be awake, if I got to be in a world where she existed. Where you exist.

Mika, you’ve changed me, and I cannot go back. I wouldn’t want to, even if I could.