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“I’d suggest Riley, he’s usually good for a quick release. But he seems to have gone off sex,” she says, frowning in what looks like confusion.

I squint at her, not sure if this is a game or if she’s actually trying to make me feel better. Did Riley tell her what happened between us? Maybe she picked up on it. I groan internally at the thought. “I wouldn’t sleep with him anyway.” I plop back down and cover my eyes with my arm again.

“I’ll ask him for you!” she chirps as she jumps up, kicks my foot so my leg falls heavily off the log, and starts trotting away.

Sitting up so quickly that my head spins, I yell after her. “Don’t you fucking dare, Tovi!”

“Daddy Beans then, Firecat?” she sing-songs as she spins and takes off running back toward camp.

“Bitch better not,” I grumble to myself.

Since I’m already sitting up, I get all the way up and head for the water. Hoping I’m not going to have another surprise visitor, I strip off completely and get in. The creek is shallow, but I can almost submerge my whole body if I crouch.

I didn’t exactly plan this, so I wash as best I can without soap. I spot a small tree of ritha nuts not far on the other side of the creek. Deciding it’s worth the naked dash, I retrieve a couple, along with a large kakahu leaf I spot on the way back. As I get back to the water, I hear a twig snap. I crouch down into the water.

“Tovi?” I call out.

There is no answer and no further noises, so I assume it was an animal. I create some soapy suds with my ritha nuts and use the kakahu leaf as a cloth. I wash my hair too, even though I only washed it last night. The ritha nuts leave me smelling like the forest—nutty, citrusy, and with a hint of honey sweetness.

Satisfied I’m no longer filthy and splattered with blood, I get out. Of course, it’s not until now that I realize I have nothing clean to dry myself with. I use my shirt to dry off as best I can and don’t bother putting it back on, the leathers will cover enough.

I get back as the sun sets after collecting more of the ritha nuts. Bitty, Tovi and Beans, are all laying on their bedrolls. Riley must be on watch. A plate of food has been left for me, but I can’t stomach a meal right now. I hang my wet shirt over a branch to dry. Digging in my pack, I pull out my little black bag with my sneak stuff in it; a staggering reminder of my legacy and who I am.

Once an assassin, always an assassin.

Digging further, I find a dry tunic and my thinner travel pants to wear, as it’s far too warm tonight for much else. The sun sets so late in Erdu that I’d forgotten it’s probably well into the evening by now. I settle into my bedroll.

Bitty is already asleep. Beans and Tovi are still awake, both on their backs with one arm under their heads and staring up at the sky. Knowing I’m on last watch tonight, I’m eager to get as much sleep as possible. I close my eyes. And lie there. Awake. I hear the soft snores of Tovi as she also succumbs to sleep. While I remain awake.

I sit up, opting to stretch a bit to see if that helps. Beans’ violet eyes catch mine as he also lays awake. “You okay, Mika?”

“I’m sorry, Beans. I thought you knew.”

“Why are you sorry? Seems to me like we got ourselves a better deal than we realized.” I open my mouth to protest, a frown pulling at my brow, but he continues in his hushed voice. “Mika, if it wasn’t for you, those skin traders would have been a lot more difficult to dispatch. Bitty wouldn’t be nearly as good at fighting as they are now. Riley would still be drinking. Tovi…well, Tovi would be exactly the same.” He laughs softly at his own joke, sitting up.

“That’s not?—”

“And,” he interrupts, “we would have food poisoning or have starved.”

“But—”

“And.” His knowing smirk lifts his mustache. “I would miss you.”

We sit in silence for a second, as I move tentatively to speak, unsure if he will cut me off again. “You wouldn’t miss me. You wouldn’t have known me.” I deflect the kind words but cannot help the warmth that thaws my cold bones.

“Not a single one of us would have it any other way. You’re one of us. Now stop stretching and go to sleep, little one.”

A smirk lifts my lips. “Yes, Daddy Beans.” His responding snort fills me with satisfaction.

I wake with a gulp of air as someone touches my shoulder. Riley is kneeling beside me. The moon has barely moved across the sky; I haven’t been asleep long.

“You were moaning and thrashing about. Good dream?” Riley flirts.

“No.”

The tumble of memories from the dream slowly dissipates like fog in the morning sun, but enough remains for me to know it wasn’t a good dream. My full bladder makes its presence known, and I tell Riley I’m going to go relieve myself. I don’t bother putting my boots on, I’m not going far.

The ground is still warm from the day’s sun, the sandy earth squishing between my toes along with leaf litter and small twigs. I meander a little further than I intended, finding a tree to do my business behind while listening to the soft trickle of the creek nearby.