Page 32

Story: Master of Pain

“No, I came over to talk,” I tell him, and then take a deep breath.

“Alright, what’s going on?” he asks me, sitting up a bit more.

I rub at the back of my neck, avoiding eye contact with him for a moment, and then look at him again. “I broke up with her,” I whisper.

He blinks at me. “Oh, damn,” he replies in an equally quiet tone. “What the fuck happened?”

My eyes sting, but I sniff and do my best to brush the feeling off as quickly as possible. My heart is beating harder everysecond. However, I don’t feel as anxious as I did with Lena. Of course, I’m not breaking up withNathan.

I fiddle with my own hands, picking at the skin on the side of one fingernail until it starts to flake off.

“Hey, whatever it is…I get it. But you look rough. Did you sleep last night?” he asks as he opens the nearby mini fridge.

I shrug. “Maybe. I’m not sure.”

Nathan hands me an energy drink and I take it, because I have a class in an hour and need to be able to focus.

“I haven’t heard anything from Lena or about her. I thought you were really into her,” he comments.

I roll the drink can around in my hands, feeling the sloshing of the liquid inside it. The metal can is cold, and its temperature in the palms of my hands starts to ease some of my anxiety.

“She’s great,” I agree, and look down at my hands.

“But?” he asks.

“I think that I…am interested in guys.” The words come out slow and uncertain, but they actually leave my mouth for the first time. I look up at him, not sure what reaction to expect.

He blinks at me. “Oh. Is that why you two never fucked?”

My ears heat and I glare at him for a second before looking back down at my hands. “Apparently,” I grumble.

“Wow. I mean, I can’t say I’m surprised,” he admits.

I practically crick my neck with how fast I look back up at him. “What do you mean?”

He chuckles and clears his throat. “Ah, well. You do have a certain…vibe. Not a bad thing, just…I wondered about it after the last convo we had about Lena and Dante,” he says, putting his hands up to show he’s not being combative.

My throat is tight, and I swallow hard before responding. “I kissed Dante,” I admit.

Nathan chokes, and I look up at him quickly. He hits his chest a few times. “What?!”

“He’s been…bothering me, I don’t know. He’s interested in me. We got into an argument and something came over me and I fucking kissed him. I ran away afterward. That was right before I broke up with Lena,” I say, the words all coming out faster than I intended.

Nathan takes a deep breath. “Fuck, dude. You sure picked a sketchy guy to blow your first load over.”

Now I’m the one nearly choking. I blush so hot it hurts, but keep my mouth closed. Hecannotknow how real what he said is.

“I didn’t pick him,” I insist. “It just…happened.”

“Alright, alright,” he says. “So you’re saying you actually want to fuck Dante? Feels totally different than with Lena?”

With a reluctant sigh, I nod. “God…yes,” I mumble, then gasp as I realize what I’ve said. I lean forward and put my head in my hands, groaning. The unopened drink falls into my lap and rolls to the side.

“What am I supposed to do?” I ask, the words muffled by my hands. “I can’t do this…I can’t.”

“Woah, woah. It’s okay, Ethan,” Nathan insists. He sits down beside me and I feel his hand on my back.

“No, it’s not,” I huff. “None of this shit is okay. This isn’t me. I’m supposed to be with Lena. My mom wants me to bring her home for Christmas.” My breath feels heavy and achy in my chest.