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Chapter 47
JETT
I couldn’t sleep last night.
The apartment feels hollow, stripped of life. No Cari. Just Brooke and me in a space too quiet to drown out my thoughts. There’s no Anna either, but that’s just an inconvenience. I need to find a solution for Brooke tomorrow, because I’m expected back at work.
As the car pulled away from Cari’s building yesterday, Brooke’s voice was tiny but relentless. “Why can’t Cari live with us?”
“She can’t, angel.”
But it’s not enough.
“Why not, Daddy?” Her big, round eyes cut through me, full of hope.
“Because she has her own home.”
“But it was so nice with the three of us. I love her, Daddy. Can’t she be my new mommy?”
I hate that I’ve given Brooke a taste of something she’s hungered for, but which I can’t guarantee. A glimpse of what family could be.
It wasn’t my intention.
And yet here we are. Now that I’ve had Cari in my life like that—woven into every day, her laugh filling silences, her warmth making the world brighter—I don’t know how to go back.
When we got home, I kept busy getting Brooke ready for bed. She jabbered on about Cari, her questions chipping away at my composure. The apartment was spotless—cleaned and prepped while we were gone—but sterile. No soul. Just like me.
I don’t even know what normal looks like anymore. Cari isn’t here. There’s no new nanny—I texted Anna before we left Bermuda, almost begging her to help me out. Luckily, she agreed. She’ll be here, but only part-time, as and when I need her, until I find her replacement. I’ll be paying her double for the privilege of having someone I know take care of Brooke.
My life is going off the rails. There’s no plan. No direction. Just a quiet void and questions I don’t have answers for.
Brooke sits in the tub, her little arms crossed as I rinse the shampoo from her curls. I’m trying, but apparently I’m failing.
“It doesn’t hurt when Cari does it.”
I pour lukewarm water over her face, shielding her forehead with my hand.
“Sorry, sport. I’m learning.”
“Can’t Cari come do it?”
How do I explain that Cari won’t be around anymore? That I must find someone new—someone who could never fill her shoes?
“Cari’s busy now. You won’t see her as much, but Anna will be back for a few visits, when we need her.”
She pushes my hand away, her voice stubborn. “I don’t want Anna. I want Cari. Why can’t Cari live here?”
“Brooke, baby, it’s not that simple.”
Her little face scrunches up in frustration. “But you love her.”
I laugh, but it’s hollow. “Why would you say that?”
“Because when she’s around, your eyes go all crinkly when you laugh.”
Damn. She’s perceptive for five.
“Do you love her, Daddy?”