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My heart squeezes in my chest, and I turn my face, pressing my lips to the top of his head before looking back down at my hands and sliding my thumb beneath the seal of the envelope. When the seal is broken, and I dump the contents of the envelope into my lap, I’m immediately suspended in this moment. Frozen in time.
All of a sudden, I have something from my early years that I never thought I’d have.
Photographs.
The only light in this car is from the streetlights that hang over the highway, so it’s difficult to make out the images. With my free hand, I lift one of the photographs, holding it up in the light, close to my face, and I see it. I see her.
A tall, thin, woman with olive toned skin and long black hair that falls in waves over her shoulder. She’s holding an infant in her arms. Chubby, and smiling, the baby is wearing nothing more than a diaper, and she’s looking down at the baby with the biggest, brightest smile I’ve ever seen.
I flip the photo over and there’s an inscription on the back.
“Isabella & baby Zeke”
It’s me. She’s smiling that way at me. That’s when his words really sink in, taking root somewhere deep inside of me, ‘You were loved’. While I definitely still don’t like him, he did manage to give me some small bit of peace, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Chapter forty-three
Riot
Four days.
We’ve been home for four days, but no one talks to me. Cole is a shell of who he once was, never so much as getting out of bed, and Zeke never leaves Cole’s side. I’ve been sleeping on the couch, trying to give them both space, but depression is beginning to settle in, and I can’t find the strength to push through my days anymore. I’m trying to understand the profound change they both went through as a result of everything that happened, but I’ve never felt so helpless in my entire life.
Being iced out hurts. It hurts more than anything I’ve ever endured. I’m not angry, I just want to be able to do something, anything, to fix the brokenness that hangs over the both of them like a dark and ominous cloud.
“Just give them time,” Spencer says softly as she lays down on the couch beside me and rests her head on my thigh. “This isn’t forever. They’re just… finding their way back.”
“I know,” I sigh, as I mindlessly run my fingers through her hair. “But it’s like I set out to save the men I love, and instead I returned with their ghosts.”
“Love?” she beams, and I smirk at her, rolling my eyes.
“Love. I mean, I’ve told Zeke how I feel, but Cole? I never got to tell him. It happened so fast, and I…”
“You’ll get the chance,” she says as she grabs my arm, draping it across her stomach. “And then I’ll be the maid of honor at your wedding.”
“I’m pretty sure polygamy is illegal or some shit,” I scoff.
“Whatever, we can still get down with a vow exchange and celebrate that shit.”
“Sweetness, you’re like 10 billion steps ahead of me.”
“Yeah right, I know your crazy little ass has forever in mind already,” she giggles, tilting her head up so her eyes meet mine.
“You’re such a pain in the ass,” I groan as I playfully shove her to the floor.
“You dick!” she laughs as she smacks my leg.
“No regrets,” I shrug. “Enough of messy, depressy Riot. How’s everything going with the repairs down at Rico’s?”
“Slow,” she pouts. “Travis has the contractors there night and day but honestly most of the interior is just riddled with bullet holes. It’s a demo and rebuild at this point. I’m not sure what I’m going to do with myself in the meantime.”
“Hmm, so that’s why you’re hanging around so much, you’re going stir crazy?”
“Well, that, and I love you of course,” she chuckles as she pushes herself up off the floor and stands.
“Well, if you’re bored enough, I haven’t been down to Afterlife to do, well… anything. Check in for me?”
“You got it babe,” she leans down and wraps her arms around me. “I’ll head down now. If Cole is a little more receptive today, let him know I’m thinking about him?”