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Arsenal: Docks at 10:00 pm - we gotta talk. And NOT in Reaper territory.
Tapping the lock screen button on my phone, I shove the device back into my pocket as I lean against the rough, brick wall of the abandoned warehouse down at the docks. It’s 10:15 and Arsenal’s perpetually late ass is nowhere to be found. Snow falls heavy, and I cup my hands around my mouth, exhaling forcefully to keep them warm, before shoving them back into the pockets of my coat.
I’m assuming whatever he has for me has something to do with Dante, but my mind is everywhere except for with Dante. It’s with Zeke, and the Syndicate, and my friends. It’s with keeping secrets from my boss, and trying to figure out how to keep Zeke from running off on a suicide mission.
Because that’s what this is - a fucking suicide mission.
And thinking about Zeke, gets me thinking about me and Zeke, and whatever the hell we are. My brain moves in perpetual circles, rehashing the same bullshit over and over again. Loving someone who can’t love you back is a twisted form of self-harm, and it would seem at the rate that I’m going, I’m hell bent on hurting myself in the worst way possible.
Then there’s Cole. These moments that make me feel things that I’m not even sure I should be feeling because if I love Zeke, then why does Cole make my heart race? And why does it make me feel so damn guilty? I asked Arsenal about the brothers’ relationship with Hannah because I’ve been trying to convince myself that Cole is some mysterious missing piece - but how can we be a missing piece of something that was never whole to begin with?
Zeke has one foot in and one foot out, and I’m just sitting around waiting for the other fucking shoe to drop.
The sound of tires crunching on ice diverts my attention and I look around the corner of the building to see Arsenal’s Charger pulling into the empty lot next to my Mustang. Pushing off the wall, I jog over to the lot just as Arsenal climbs out of his car.
“Shit man, it’s cold enough to freeze the balls off a fucking brass monkey out here.”
“What the fuck?” I raise an eyebrow and look at him like the lunatic that he is.
“It’s fucking cold man, is there somewhere we can get out of the snow?”
Looking around, I quickly assess our surroundings and nod my head in the direction of the dock. Turning on one heel I walk down to the feeder boat that’s docked here until the weekend, with Arsenal on my heels. Reaching the end of the docks, I leap a small distance onto the boat, and lead him inside.
It’s still cold inside, but it’s warm enough that my balls aren’t shriveled up in my stomach, and Arsenal isn’t bitching, so it’s sort of a win.
“So what’s up? What was so urgent?”
“It’s about Dante, man,” he sighs, running one hand over his short hair, buzzed closely to the scalp. “He managed to pull some of his old crew in with him. Blaize was doing some inventory down at one of the warehouses. The dope he was selling… that Pete stole? He stole that shit from us.”
My eyes widen, “Wait… so?”
“Yeah. We have some fucking snakes. Blaize has eyes and ears everywhere, but right now we aren’t 100% sure who can and can’t be trusted. So he’s rounding up everyone that worked with Dante before he did his bid.”
“So what’s that mean for us?” I ask.
“Yeah, so that. We didn’t find him at his old lady’s place, I’m sorry. Crazy bitch was high as a kite, and flipped her shit, so we bounced. We have eyes on her house, but nothing so far. Pretty sure someone from his old crew has to be hiding him. You need to be careful though, ok? Whatever this shit is he has going on, it involves us both. You see anything, anyone, let me know. And vice versa.”
“Yeah man, I got it,” I lift my hand and we bump fists.
I turn to lead us off the boat and Arsenal breaks the silence by making small talk. “So what about that thing you asked me about the other day?”
“Thing?” I turn and glance quickly over my shoulder once I’ve got both feet on the dock.
“Yeah, about my brother and Han.”
“I dunno. I guess I got a lot of shit going on man, and no one that would really understand.”
“Lay it on me kid.”
Heading back to the cars, he keeps pace with me while I shake my head.
Fuck it.
“Man, I fucking love him, but he’s so up in his head. He just pushes me away anytime it all gets too real. But he doesn’t just leave me either. It’s like… like I’m reaching for something and my fingers keep grazing it because it’s right there… but, shit. And then there’s this…. Well there’s someone else. Someone that makes me nervous and sometimes I just can’t think straight when he’s around me.”
“Okay, okay, I see you,” he grins, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“It’s not like that, it’s just. I want both worlds. Is that selfish of me? I think that Zeke could too if he just let himself care about anything for just one measly minute.”