Page 103 of If It's You

He pinched his eyes closed. “She probably hates me.”

“Why would you say that?”

“I messed up.” He shook his head. “Heck, I am messed up.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve done everything wrong, Mom. I’ve failed you, and Dad, and Emi and I—”

“No.” His mom cut him off. “Don’t you say that. You have not failed us. If anything you saved me.”

“I didn’t.” He protested, shaking his head again. “I left you guys when you needed me the most.”

His mom sighed and grabbed his arm. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I needed you to leave. I was relying on you to do everything. To take Emi to school, keep up with her meds, and get the bills paid on time. I pushed you to come down here because I wasn’t fair to you. You had to be the man of the house when you were only a boy.”

“I was eighteen,” Christian said. “Dad would have wanted me to—”

“Dad wanted you to be happy.” His mom interrupted, and tears fell from the corner of her eyes. “I was so mad at myself for so long for not seeing Emi’s anxiety. But you stepped up. You always stepped up. Just like your dad. I am so grateful for your help in getting through that. For you insisting that Emi and I both go to therapy. You are your father’s son, and I could not be more proud.”

Christian’s tears had started sometime during his mother’s words, but for once he didn’t fight them, as each tear dried up the well inside him. “I just wanted to fix everything. The way Dad always did.”

“Declan took it upon himself to fix all the problems in the world. But not even your dad could do that. Sometimes, the hardest thing in life is accepting the fact that you can’t fix everything.”

“Then what do I do?”

She brought a gentle hand to his face and caressed his cheek. “You choose what to focus your attention on. Choose what makes you happy, and know that you are doing your best.”

The crushing vice around his heart busted and shattered on the ground.

“I had a hard time accepting that Declan was gone,” his mom said. “But then, about a month ago, this woman called me out of the blue. Her name was Cindy Hutton.”

Hutton? Why did that sound familiar?

“The woman your father saved.” She said. “And now we’re friends. We’re supporting each other, grieving together. I can’t bring your father back, but I still have the choice to be happy. No one has taken that away from me.”

Christian hugged his mom tighter. Hearing her say she was happy knocked the rest of the load off of his shoulders. Maybe he hadn’t failed his family. Maybe they were more okay than he realized.

“You won’t fail Maizie either.” His mom whispered, and he pulled back.

“Did you just read my mind?” He chuckled.

“The only moment that matters is now,”his momsaid softly.

Christian paused, recognizing the words immediately. “Dad.” He’d heard his dad say that so many times.

His mom nodded. “Go get her sweetie. I like her,” she said with a wink.

“Me too.” He kissed his mom’s cheek and ran in search of some keys. Finally, he felt free.

* * *

“Aren’tyou guys going to say anything?” Maizie asked.

She hadn’t been able to get out of there fast enough when she saw Caroline kiss Christian. She had jumped in her truck, and so had Jayce and Hugh. They had sat silently with her while she drove, and now they all sat on the hood of the truck, staring at the moon reflecting off the pond. Jayce sat on her right and Hugh on her left. A double layer of protection she hadn’t known she needed.

“Do you want us to?” Hugh asked.

“No.” Maizie bit her bottom lip to stop its quivering.